Santa was good to me!

Some VT stuff--I also got a VT blanket that isn't pictured--and a book!



Waffle Maker!



Some lotion, and other smelly good stuff



Cake Boss cook book!



Quesadilla Maker!  I used it today, works wonderfully!



Cuppy Cake Maker! 



Set of dishes!




Thanks to mom and dad, I can cross some things off of our wedding registry! 

Scale Tales Monday

+2.5 (260.2)

I've never seen a number that high on the scale. Ever. I wanted to cry. I didn't think I was too bad over the holiday weekend. Better than I usually am, which I'm going to consider a victory.

Instead of dwelling over this huge gain, I'm going to move on.

Merry Christmas!

From my home to yours
Merry Christmas!

I hope you have have a wonderful day!

Ah, Christmas

Best part about Christmas is definitely the family time!  Thoroughly enjoying that tonight!

Earlier today, I delivered Clayton's parents and son's presents.  I let Trevor open his, since I wouldn't see him until sometime after Christmas.  I got him a chair that sounds like a racecar when you rock in it.  My parents got him some Thomas the Train things and 3 Dr. Suess movies.  He was so excited. 

I got his mom and stepdad, and dad and stepmom a variety of baked goods, including those Peanut Butter Cups and some pound cake.  Also, some candles.  His dad and stepmom will get their's tomorrow, but his mom and stepdad loved theirs. 

I'm really excited about more family time this weekend!  Merry Christmas fellow bloggers!

Peanut butter cups

I made these lovelies last night.  Super easy to do!

All you need is some chocolate--I used Hershey's milk chocolate chips-- and some peanut butter.

Melt the chocolate (I just did it in the microwave).

I used regular cupcake size liners. 

Add a tablespoon of chocolate, pop them in the freezer to harden (took maybe 5 minutes)
Add a teaspoon of peanut butter
Add another tablespoon of chocolate, pop them back in the freezer.

They are super yummy, I had to try one before I gave them away today.  They are rich.  Next time I'm going with mini cupcake liners and probably a teaspoon of chocolate for each layer and a half teaspoon of peanut butter.  They got good reviews from my dad!




Sorry for the crappy pictures, I'm obviously not a photographer :)

Mentally Checked Out

I've yet to get hardly anything done at work today. I have gotten some things done, but not many.  I'm mentally checked out. I want my 10 day vacation. I want to spend time with my family. I want anything but to be sitting at this desk right now. 

I want to start wedding planning. I want to look at venues and for photographers. I want to plan the details--I already know what my father/daughter dance song will be and my wonderful sister has already accepted the maid of honor title--I'll still find a better way to ask her again, than a text 24 hours after I have a ring on my finger.  I want to look at wedding bands. 

Most of all, I want to be able to see my future husband on a daily basis.

Hard Decision

Ugh, last night I had to make a decision about Blake. His breeder had him at a show over the weekend, and he was ok until Sunday, and was apparently like a different dog. 

I decided that with a marriage and a step-son in my future, I can't consiously risk Blake being freaked out and hurting someone.  So about 30 minutes ago I mailed all of his papers to his breeder with me signing off as owner.  I wrote a little note and put it in there and was in tears.  It was hard to do.  I love the Blakester, but I know that it wouldn't be fair to him to have to be crated when the kid is at our house.  He is wonderful with his people and I hope that she can get him out of whatever it is that is wrong with him, at least so he can be trusted.

I'll miss you Blakester, but I'm sure I'll see you some!

Scale Tales-A Day Late

I totally forgot to post this yesterday. 

+.7 (257.7)

Totally expected (actually expected more) after the fun weekend of celebrating being engaged.  Two meals out in two days plus cake Sunday night.  It is probably mostly water weight, so I'm going to be good over the holiday and hopefully have a loss on Monday!

The Story

About 7 months ago I made a prediction here that Clayton was the one. It's something I had never felt more sure of.  As it turns out, for once, my instincts were correct!

Here's the story of Saturday
I got to his house around 12:30. He hadn't been up long, so I sat around while he got ready.  We went to a BBQ place for a late lunch.  He then told me he wanted to drive around, so off we headed.  We got on the parkway just outside of Galax (there is an overlook there that we love), drove about a mile, and there were detour signs. So we had to turn off, and he turned onto another road to get there, but that section of the parkway was closed (this part has meaning, I promise).

He kept saying he was in an 'overlook mood', so we went from NC to another overlook on the Grayson/Wythe border, Comer's Rock.  By this time, it was almost dark, but we made it to the overlook just as the sun went down over the mountain.  It was gorgeous.  The worst part about this overlook, is that it is a steep climb, via stairs, to the top.  It was freezing cold and the trees at the top were completely iced over!  I also tried to get pictures, but my camera was dead :(.  But I was just standing there looking at the view, and he grabbed my hand from behind and slipped the ring on my finger, gave a little speech, and I said yes through the lump in my throat.

His original plan was to do it at the overlook off of the parkway, which is mentioned in the blog linked above.  That is where he first told me he was falling in love with me. 

The night ended with us getting lost and ending up in Smyth county, the driving around looking at Christmas lights. 

It was the perfect day.

I said yes!!

More details later, but enjoy a picture!

The promised update

I hate when I can't get a feel on the person interviewing me. On my end, I think it went well, but I couldn't get any kind of reaction from her. So we will see if I get a call back for an in person interview.

After the interview, I decided I needed my nails done. It's amazing how much just an hour of me time changed my mood. I'm going to have to start making this a regular thing in my life. 

Now I'm going to relax with the family and play with my puppies.

I'm also super excited about boyfriend time this weekend. I haven't seen him for two whole weeks!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Good Vibes Needed

The past few months have been a roller coaster. I'm definitely not myself.  I haven't had an interest in the things I love.  I'm moody, and snap at the drop of a hat. I'm fine one minute and want to cry the next. I get overwhelmed at the thought of having anything extra to do, especially at work.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm suffering from mild depression.  I've went through funks before, but the last few months have been worse than anytime I remember.  And it is gradually getting worse.  Just 3 weeks ago, I was better than I am now.  I'm snapping at my family and friends and want to be left alone for the most part.  I can't get enough sleep. I can go to bed at 8 or 9, and get up at my usual time of 6 and still want more. I flipped out last night about 8:30 because I wanted to go to sleep and my mom wanted me to help her with the puppies. I've been doing similar things all week. I flipped out yesterday because I had an extra charge for something show up on my bank statement.  I've basically lost all interest in hanging out with people.  I've lost interest in things that used to excite me, like dog shows. I think that is coming from the luck I've had the past couple years. I've only been to 4 shows all year. usually I average at least 25-30.

Ugh, enough of this crap.

The good vibes request is because I have a phone interview today. Getting out of this work environment would work wonders for me. Working some place where I don't have to worry about getting paid or my check bouncing. Working with people that actually have morals and ethical standards.  The scary part, I'm not even that excited about this interview. I know that it would be a good move, but it is either coming from the vomit that I started this post with, or the fact that I've been looking since April 2010 for a new job with zero luck. I guess I've taught myself to expect bad news on the job front. 

Ugh, this mind-set has got to go. I will sound like I want this job on the phone. Now I'm going to review the job description one more time and print off a copy of my resume for reference. I will be prepared for this, and I will do great at it.  And I will get an in person interview, which I will kick ass at.

I'll update this afternoon :)

How is it only Thursday?

This week is seriously dragging by, or at least it feels that way to me.  I've also been in a funk this week, and can't seem to get out of it. 

I haven't seen Clayton in 2 weeks, so I'm thinking that has a lot to do with it. But we have a date night scheduled for Saturday :)  We are going to drive around and look and Christmas lights.  Hopefully there are more people decorated where he lives than here, because this town looks pathetic with its lack of decorations.  Were is everyones Christmas spirit?

I have a to-do list as long as I am tall between work and home. I'm overwhelmed, especially with work at the moment.  The bosses don't give much to my co-worker to do, it's mainly all on me. And it's getting to me.  My 10 day vacation starting Christmas Eve can't come soon enough.  Actually, next week at work will be much welcomed. I'll be the only person in the office Wed-Fri, so it will be a great catch-up time!

How NOT to make fudge

I attempted fudge last night, for the first time ever. Let's just say the first round didn't go well. I cooked it to long, and it came out in crumbles.  And these were for my co-workers, so I couldn't give them out.  But dad still at some of the crumbles, and it still tasted fine, it just wasn't pretty to look at. :)

 

I can say that batch number two turned out much better, thankfully, because I ran out of peanut butter! Not a good thing to run out of.  It did turn out a little soft, so I could have cooked it probably 5-10 seconds longer.  Still was fine enough to give away to people.

Grumpy Kinda Day

I don't know what's wrong with me today, but I'm grumpy, and I want to go home.  I have a nosey-ass co-worker that needs to keep her religious and political views to herself. I can see this afternoon being a very long one.

And co-worker, FYI, yes you have your right to your own views, but I also have my right to not want to hear about them.  And if you don't like the commercialization of Chrismas, stop buying gifts and contributing to it.  Stop fucking complaining about it all. 

/end vent

Scale Tales Monday

Tis the time for my weekly weigh check-in.

+0.4 (257)

I'm fine with it, considering how much crap I had this weekend and the fact it is that glorious time of month (can you feel the sarcasm...). In all honesty, I was expecting a gain of more than a pound.  Next week will be a loss.

A Time For Sorrow

Anyone that knows me, knows that I was really effected emotionally by the VT shooting in 2007. 

It happened again today, and I've been a wreck.

Around noon, I got a VT alert saying there were reports of gunshots in the coliseum parking lot.  Fast forward a little bit, and we find out that right around noon a person was pulled over (routine traffic stop) and the officer was shot and died.  The person ran towards the cage parking lot (near the duck pond).  Then there were reports of another victim, and sadly it was true.

No new news since about 1:30.  The shooter is still lose.  Parts of the interstate has been blocked off.

It hurts me so much to know this happened again. 

This was posted on Facebook, and I stole it.  Explains it perfectly.

"From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it. Virginia tech is more than a school.. It's my home and family. Our campus does not deserve this heartbreak. neVer forgeT & pray for Virginia Tech. We will always prevail. ♥ Stay safe, Hokies."

Accountability

I've been doing some really hard thinking today (scary, I know).  I need new accountability.  I'm attempting this weight loss thing on my own at the moment.  On Mondays, I'm going to start posting my weights, not just loses, but my actual weight.  I'm actually going to start now by posting Mondays WI...

256.6

The highest I've been on a WI day was last weeks 258.2. I don't want to see 260. Hell, I don't want to see anything above were I'm at this week, ever again.  I need to get a handle on this. I have my gyn appt in early Feb, and I really don't want him saying anything about my weight this year, like he did last year (I was 248 at that appointment last year). I'd like to be back down to at least that when I go, so he doesn't see that I gained over the last year.

I'm unhappy with where I've been in the journey the last few months.  I must start working out again. I need to start planning activity and at least breakfast/lunches on the weekends for the following week.  Planning helps me (especially when it comes to lunches).  I'm still not rejoining WW yet, maybe in a few months if I feel like I need it. But after being on WW for a year, I know what I need to do. I still don't want to have to count points and all that.  I just want to be able to put forth the effort that I need to, to get it done.

Earlier this week, I caught myself thinking "New Years is in a few weeks, I'll just start over then."  Luckily I caught myself. Because if I kept going, I would have been 260-something by then, and that would have been worse.  Yes it's only a few lbs, but it's all about perception...260 is a decade more than 250.

I will have a loss this week, and the weeks after.  I will NOT gain through Christmas. I will enjoy the time with my family and friends, but I will stay active and be mindful. By New Years (I'll WI on Jan 2nd) I will be at 250, or damn close to it.  I WILL. 

I'm going to quite letting stress get the best of me, and I will start paying attention to real hunger signals. I will stop binging. I will (and am as I type this) throw out the candy in my desk drawer, and it won't be replaced.

I'm sick of making excuses for myself. They are just holding me back. And it really has taken awhile to come to this point.

I will tackle this, and I will start today.

Woo! for the second day!

So the weekend after Thanksgiving I bought real clothes from victorias secret.  Not just the regular undies and bras.  It's a cardi sweater, and I got it to just *see* if I could wear it (helped that it was on sale)! 

I put it on this morning and it fit!!  Yes it is a lose cardi sweater, but my arms had to fit into it, and they did.  Yes it is a xl, but it still fit.  I've always been afraid to try VS clothes, and still am to a point, but it fit!

I'm super excited!  Now I want to be able to fit into all of their cute clothes.  Total motivation right there!

Anyone Hiring?

I'm getting desperate again.

I've yet to get a paycheck (payday was last Friday). There is about 40 minutes until the mail runs. It better be there. Or I'm going home. I don't work for free when I have bills to pay.  I'm tired of stressing over stupid crap.  I shouldn't have to worry if I will get a paycheck on payday. Or if it will bounce. If it isn't here today, I'm going home and staying there until they give me cash.

I had to borrow money from my mom to pay my car payment.  I hate borrowing money from my parents. Especially for this reason.

If I don't have it today, I'm calling the labor board. Shits ridiculous.

I'm stressed and I can't take it anymore.

Woo!

-1.6!

Now I must get a few things done at work, but I'll update more later.

Stress

I've decided that my job is going to kill me one day. From stress. My blood pressure is going to go sky high one day, and I'm going to kill over.

I seriously should not have to worry about if I'm going to get my check on payday or not; or if it is going to bounce.  I'm tired of this. 

I didn't get my check today. I have 2 bills totalling $400 due next week.  My bank won't try to cash it until next Friday, since it won't go in until Monday now.  It will take a whole hell of a lot for me not to quit if it bounces on top of not getting it when I'm supposed to.  He's pushing me towards a complaint with the labor board.  It is a law we are supposed to get checks on payday, not after, but on the scheduled payday.  This isn't the first time it's happened. So much for my stress free weekend. 

I need a new job.

Gifts

So I was just sitting here making a list of people and gifts I'm giving this year. I only have to buy 2 more material items, and baking stuff (I'm giving baked goods as a part of everyones gifts).  I realized this is the first time ever that I've had a boyfriends parents on my list. Ahh! It makes me excited! 

In other news, boyfriend told me last night that he planned to talk to my parents very soon :)  One of my wishes, as traditional as it may be, was for him to include my parents in thte engagement process.  Not necessarily ask for permission (we aren't that traditional), but to include them in his plan.  He agreed. So something shiny could be in my future :)

Ugh, back to work :(

Family

Definitely my favorite part of the holidays (mainly Thanksgiving and Christmas) is all of the family time.  I got in plenty of it over the weekend, and couldn't have asked for a better long weekend.

Short recap:
Thursday. Stop 1: Clayton's Mom's house.  I met his grandfather, uncle and a cousin.  Of course I've been to his mom's house plenty of times, but I really felt welcomed, with all of the extended family there.  I loved that :)
Stop 2: Back to my house for dinner.  That was a lot of Thanksgiving in one day.  I didn't overindulge too much.  Just a little.  But never really gorged myself.

Mom and I had planned on doing black friday shopping, starting at Wal-Mart at 10 pm Thursday night.  Our neighbors daughter wanted to go, and then boyfriend decided he wanted to go.  So the 4 of us got to walmart a few minutes after 9 awaiting the sale to begin.  My job was to snatch 3 waffle makers for various people.  I got them all, although it was hard.  I got one on my own, had some teenager hand me a second, and just happened to come across a third (in a different place than they were supposed to be).  So a lot of luck. 

We also ended up at Target, Belk, Sears and Bath and Body Works.  We got home at 5:30 am on Friday....Talk about exhausted!  Especially since I didn't take a nap Thursday.  And then I only slept for about 3 hours...

We (me, my sister and boyfriend) all went to my grandparents on Friday afternoon.  They are my favorite people ever.  We had a lot of fun.  Then I took boyfriend home, went home and crashed.  The weekend was pretty simple and unproductive.


I weighed in this morning as usual, and dun dun dun....+2.2 

Not what I was hoping, but I can't say it wasn't completely unexpected, especially after pizza last night.

I've decided I'm not buying anymore clothes for myself until I'm down a size or two.  I can't keep spending money on clothes at this size when I want to/am trying to lose weight. 

I also need to start working out again.  So my goal for this week is 3 days for at least 30 minutes.  And hopefully that gain today was mainly from sodium retention. 

Gah, Pinterest!

Has seriously taken over my life. I can't walk away from it!  See more pins? Why yes, I think I will.  

If you want to follow me, my username is hokiegirl2010

I need to get some work done!

But I seriously have my wedding and dream house all planned.  As well as remodeling for boyfriends house--It's small, but good for 2 people.  And it would be a horrible time to try and sell.  But it is old, and needs updating, mainly the kitchen.  It doesn't have a practical layout and isn't as functional as it could be.  And it is horribly dated.  I can't work like that :)

Now I need to get some work done.  Tomorrow will be full of decorating the office, and we get to leave at 3!

So glad it is a short work week!

I'm not sure I would make it 5 days this week. 2.5 will be bad enough.  As promised, here are a couple puppy pictures!

They are growing fast!  And are so much fun now. 

Date night was wonderful :)  We ended up in Mt. Airy, NC.  We went to a seafood place for dinner, which was really good, but that could be because I was starving....And we went to the movies to see Jack and Jill.  It was good, and for the record, Adam Sandler does not make a pretty woman!

Also got a scary call from Mom Saturday night. My younger sister was assaulted outside of her apartment building by some drunk guy. Luckily, she was with a friend.  It scares me to think what could have happened, but at least it wasn't anything, but groping and trying to kiss her (not that it makes it any better).  But I know she's still freaked out by it.  She was smart and called the cops, and he was arrested yesterday, so that is good.

Now I'm just ready for Wednesday at 3 to get here, so I'm off work for 4 days.  And a busy 4 days it will be.  Wednesday night I'm going to see Breaking Dawn with my sister (yes, I'm still a teenager at heart).  Thursday I'm having Thankgiving lunch with Clayton's mom side of the family.  Then we are going back to my house to have dinner with my family.  I'll be at Wal-Mart on Thursday night to start some black friday shopping.  Sleeping from whatever time me and mom get home until lunch-time. Then going to pick up boyfriend, and us and my sister and her boyfriend are going to spend some time with my grandparents, then who knows what.  Then, I'm catching up on sleep over the weekend! 

I also finally stepped on the scale this morning, for the first time in 2 weeks, and I'm happy to say that I'm the exact weight I was two weeks ago on the 7th.

My goal for this week is to not gain a shit-ton of weight when I weigh in next Monday.

And

Date night commences!!!

finally.

time for a date night weekend with boyfriend! about damn time!

Be prepared

For lots of puppy pictures either Sunday or Monday.  The babies are finally seeing/hearing and have turned into dogs!  There will be lots of playtime this weekend!

2 more hours until my weekend begins.  Must take my car in for it's state inspection, and I'm going to go ahead and get an oil change/tire rotation while I'm there, so I don't have to make another trip in a month or two.  State inspection is free and so is the tire rotation! 

Then possibly stopping by Kroger to pick up a few things, then relaxation, and some good quality time with boyfriend.  I've been waiting for it all week!

I'm so mopey

Is mopey even a word?  Either way, that is how I've been all week.  I hate when I can't pinpoint why.  Actually it's that glorious time of month, so that is why, and usually I don't need a reason.

But I'm super excited for a date night with boyfriend on Saturday.  Definitely what has gotten me through this week...now if it would just hurry and get here!  This has seriously been the slowest week every.

Excitement!

For the first time in about a year, I'm excited about dogs again.  Don't get me wrong, I love the Blakester to death, but my luck hasn't been grand.

First was Brooke--whose front ended up doing weird things when she moved.
Second was Parker--who had an attitude problem and went back to the breeder.
Now there is Blakester--who I'm hoping gets over his attitude problem.

But, I'm not giving up on the Blakester yet.  I still am holding onto a little hope!

That is a lot of heartbreak on top of losing Marlin as such a young dog and having Bear get the infection in his eye. 

I never thought I'd say it, but I'm really excited about our current Whippet litter.  Like really excited.  So excited, that if there are a couple of really nice puppies, I'm thinking of keeping one for myself. 

Either way, mom has decided to hire me for the next couple of years to show the puppy she keeps out of this litter.  This includes the Whippet National in 2013...in Oregon.

Now a sensible person would hop a plane and fly...not us.  Right now we are thinking we will drive. I mean, we'll need crates and dog stuff, cooler, etc.  And it will be nice to not have to rent a vehicle, especially if we take multiple dogs.  And it would be such a pretty drive.  So I mapquested....2700 miles and about 42 hours.  So we could drive it in three days, show, then drive back.  I've never been further west than Illinois, so I'm excited :) 

Big Decisions

I've never been great at making big decisions. Ever.  That is no lie or secret. 

So, Blake doesn't seem to be doing wonderfully with his training with his co-breeder.  He apparently has decided he loves obedience, but still doesn't like having strangers come up and touch him (like he has to tolerate at shows).  The point is that I've, in the next couple months, need to make a decision on Blake.  Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, and he is great with "his people", but not so much strangers.  But looking into the future, I know that me and boyfriend will get married, possibly by this time next year, which means I would have a step-son.  He is 3 now. I worry about Blake with a toddler unless something drastically changes in his attitude.  I'm going to have to make a decision, and it scares me to make the wrong one. No, I'm not making it today, but I will have to within the next few months.

The babies are growing!

They are getting huge! Fat little pigs is what they are.

jobs...

I just had to turn down an interview offer.  It was part-time, and possibly temporary. 

Even though I know that I couldn't afford it, it still sucks balls to turn down an interview.

I felt the same way back in March when I had to turn down an offer....


Hopefully one day the universe will answer my prayer about a new job.  Until then, I'll just try to stay as sane as possible...but I can feel it, and my happiness, quickly disappearing.

11/11/11

Happy Veteran's Day to all the past and present people that have and will serve our country!


So, today is 11/11/11, something about that makes me happy.

And for the record, I will have one bad-ass wish today at 11:11 am.  :)



I have been such a bad weight loser lately.  I have lost my mojo, and need to find it.  I mean, I haven't been horrible, as in I haven't gained much.  But considering I have so much to lose, I should be losing.  I did end up canceling my WW membership, for now. I'm tired of counting points and all of that. So I've decided for a couple of weeks, I'm just going to go off of how I feel. I mean, I know what I should and shouldn't eat (thanks to WW the last year), but I really need to learn how to not mindlessly eat or eat my emotions <---totally guilty on that one.  So, for the next 2 weeks, I'm going to really pay attention to hunger signals and how I'm feeling.  I'll still WI on Monday's like usual, but no more counting points or calories (not that I did that anyway).  We'll see how this goes.

Weddings and such

So with all this wedding talk lately, I've slowly become obsessed...

A few posts ago, I posted about possibly doing an elopment ceremony.  You can read about it here.  Well I've changed my mind (big surprise there).

I've decided I have to have my family and close friends there. It will be smallish and intimate, but they will be there. I had told my parents about the elopement thing, and were fine (that is what they did), but last night when I told them I changed my mind, I could see their eyes light up :)

I'm thinking of trying to find a really cute B&B that would also cater for the reception, so there would only be one location. 

Granted, I still don't have a ring, but I know it's coming, so it is ok to think about the future. Right?


Money is tight lately, thanks to Christmas. I may cancel my WW membership until after the holidays. I could definitely use the refund that I would be getting, even if it is only $30. haha. Decisions, decisions. If I do, I'll still WI like normal, etc. And hopefully at least maintain through the holidays.  We will see...

A Special Birthday

Today is this guys 3rd birthday!

This is Bear.  He was my first bred-by Great Dane. 

If he thought he could fit on my lap today, he'd surely try! 

He is big and goofy, and to this day still loves to jump.

He was a good showdog, too!

Bear is one of those dogs that really helped me.  He was the dog that helped me get through some very rough times, including Marlin (the Dalmatian) passing away.  If it weren't for Bear, I'm honestly not sure I'd still be showing dogs today.  That is the truth.

He received a huge 5 point major from the bred-by class at just 8 months old (my first major on a dane).  And from there he picked up another 6 points, including 1 more major by the time he was a year old.  Sadly, right after his first birthday, he scratched his eye and got an infection, ending his very short show career, before he could finish his championship.

He now enjoys spending his time with his favorite people at home :)



Over Analyzing Shit.

That is something I do, and need to learn how to stop it.

Yesterday, me and boyfriend had our first arguement of sorts.  Last Friday I showed him the idea for a possible wedding that I told you about here.  To me, he didn't seem as excited as I would have expected.  I sort of let it go.  Yesterday I asked him what he visioned for that day, and he said anything from a church wedding to a gathering at a courthouse.  I took that as he wanted guests there.  Which would match up with his lack of excitement.  So, I said something about how he reacted last Friday.  He said that he liked that idea, too.  I felt like he was just trying to tell me what he thought I wanted to hear.

To make a long story short, we had a small arguement, about something stupid too.  We didn't talk all day.  We were talking yesterday evening, and everything seemed fine.

But I texted him when I was going to bed the usual "I'm heading to bed, sweet dreams, goodnight. I love you". His is usually the same or longer, but all I got was "goodnight, love you".

He always leaves me a voicemail to wake up to, and it didn't seem the same either this morning. 

^^See, I always over analyze crap. And I need to stop....



In other news, we lost a puppy yesterday.  She was the smallest, and was losing weight.  There was nothing wrong with her that could be seen, but it had to be something internal.  She was always cold, no matter what we did to warm her up, and she nursed, and we tube fed her for a day, but she still didn't make it.  Nature can be cruel sometimes.  But at least we have 8 healthy puppies and a healthy momma!

Sad News

Just got word that my old babysitter's husband passed away this morning.  They babysat me and my sister for close to 10 years when we were kids, so they were definitely family.  He had a long battle with cancer and Alzheimer's, so at least he isn't suffering anymore.

Thoughts and prayers are definitely with their family today!

New Family!

Yesterday we welcomed 9 new babies to the family!

Macy, the Whippet, became a mom yesterday to 9 little ones, 5 girls and 4 boys.

(I'm not creative enough to come up with a title...)

It's one of those days.  I don't want to be at work. I don't want to do anything. Just sleep.

But for the second week in a row, I lost weight. This literally hasn't happened since sometime over the summer.  It was .6, but I'll take it, making my total for two weeks -1.8. 

I also did my measurements this morning to compare to the end of September.
Bust: 45 in (+.5)
Arms: 17 in (+.5)
Thigh: 30.5 in (-.25)
Hips: 53.5 (-.5)
Waist: 39.5 (-1.25!!!)

So total inches lost=1, and total weight lost 1.8 (since October 10th, as I reset my tracker and started over at 256).


So the boy and I have been talking about marriage and rings and weddings A LOT lately.  I actually texted my sister when we were in Pigeon Forge at dinner one night to ask her if she knew anything, because he (at least I thought, or made myself believe) was acting weird.  Probably all in my imagination and he was really normal.

But I'm excited. I've been engaged before, and I wasn't nowhere near this excited.

But, weddings are expensive, and neither of us have the funds to through a big shindig.  So we've been talking about elopement types.  If it were up to him, we'd go to the courthouse tomorrow. But I have to have some sort of ceremony, even if it is just us.  And I've slowly fell in love with the idea of an elopement ceremony with it just being us. 

So I started researching last week, and requested information from a chapel in Gatlinburg. She actually emailed back the next day, and with what I requested (ceremony, 2 nights in the honeymoon lodge (nights can be added), a small wedding cake, pictures and a videographer) the price would be $599.  Not bad. She also said that if we reserve a date by 11/30, we'll get 10% off.  I negotiated to get 10% off if we reserved by 12/31, to give a little more time.  Here that boyfriend (not that you read my blog), but I need a ring by the end of the year, and a date set (if we do this)!! I'll admit that I'm cheap and would love to save $60, that is almost an extra night in the honeymoon cabin! :)

If we do this, I must have a video.  I still want to be able to share the day with my parents and other relatives and friends. 

So my idea, for now anyway, is to do an elopement type then have a family gathering, either at someones house (not sure anyones is large enough) or rent out a room at a restaurant to have a reception-type and play the DVD of the ceremony.  Then have a vow-renewal ceremony in a few years and have an actual ceremony, once we have more monies.

Vacation!

So.Much.Fun.

Seriously.

I didn't want to come back home.  I wanted it to last all week. 

First was a trip to Cades Cove.  So pretty.  And this little guy made an appearance!  Notice how freaking close he was to my car.  I know momma bear was somewhere close, so we didn't stick around long!

No we weren't driving :)

Then the sky lift. Again, lots of fun.  This is going back down.

View from the top of the sky lift. Gorgeous.  We couldn't have picked a better weekend to go!

Mini-golf.  This gives new meaning to the saying "when pigs fly..." Because apparently, they can!

I'm ready for another vacation! Well maybe after I catch up on some sleep!

Best part of the weekend.  I lost weight while on vacation!!!  1.8 to be exact!  Mindful eating and all that walking so paid off!! 

It's here, finally!

Finally the weekend I've been looking forward to for the last 2 months is here.  Mini vacation with Clayton.  I couldn't have come at a better time either, after the last couple weeks I've had.  I'm totally ready for some R&R this weekend, and no work on Monday!

Have a great weekend, everyone and be prepared for some pictures Tuesday!

Anyone else have fun plans for the weekend?

Happy Belated Birthday

To this guy!

This is Blake, aka, the Blakester.  He turned 1 yesterday.  He's been spending the last couple months in Michigan with is co-breeder/co-owner being shown.  I miss him bunches.  But I know he's in good hands! 

Happy Birthday, Blakester!

....

Sorry for the many posts today, but it's obviously not been a good one. 

I've gotta decide what I'm going to do about this job situation. Stay here until I find something else. Or find something more temporary (retail/food services) until I find something better.  I know that retail/food services wouldn't pay as much as I make now, but as long as I could pay my bills, I'd be fine.  I obviously have some thinking to do.

I deserve to have a job I want to go to daily, I mean I do spend most of my waking hours here, so why should I have to be stuck somewhere I absolutely hate?

Again...

Got a call I wasn't expecting today.  So you know how I was supposed to have an interview with the district manager for the job I interviewed for last week?  Well I get a call from the manager today, and the district manager has already filled the position.   Thanks for giving me my shot by filling the position before I even have my ALREADY scheduled interview with you. 

I know I'm lucky I have a job, but seriously, when will the career disappointments come to an end?

I'm thinking alcohol is needed tonight...

A few things....

I'm in a rut, a big one.  I'm tracking everything that goes into my mouth, but that isn't stopping me from eating like crap (granted I haven't been too bad).  I have no motivation to workout, at all.  I feel like I've just said eff it, I don't care anymore.  I do care, or maybe its that I want to care?  I'm about 1.5 months away from my 1 year anniversary with weight watchers, and my weight is basically the same, give or take a few pounds. 

Maybe, hopefully, motivation will eventually kick in if I keep plugging along with tracking...

A Fresh Start

Is what I need, I think.  I'm going to try it.  I completely erased my past weights from my online tracker, and I'm starting over, starting with last week's weigh in.  Last week gave me the biggest number I've ever seen on the scale, and I'll be honest that I shed some tears over it.  I had seen bigger ones, during the fluctuation of the week, but never on my official weigh in day.  Maybe it's what I need to get my ass motivated again.  I'm starting over at 256. First goal, 5% or 243.2.  Now I'm off to pack my lunch for tomorrow, so I don't rush in the morning, and either say screw it, or pack something that I know isn't healthy.  It's already in the tracker, too--so that is a good re-start, I suppose.

Steve Jobs was a genius!

Found this quote, via Pinterest

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven't found it yet, keep looking and don't settle.  As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."--Steve Jobs

Perhaps a break?

Perhaps my letter to the universe on the WW Dear _____ Thread somehow worked?  I have an interview next Tuesday.  Hopefully the is the break that I've been hoping for....

We shall see...

I can deal with this :)

So almost two weeks ago, when I last saw the boy, he casually mentioned that he was thinking about re-doing his bathroom (mainly paint).  And I just asked him what he was thinking about doing.  He told me that he wanted my input since it will be my bathroom one day too.  Totally swooned :)  I had forgotten about that until just a few minutes ago and it made me happy and smile :)

I can totally get used to comments like that :)  I wonder if we can re-do the kitchen at some point? haha.  The bad part--I'm totally not even kidding about that :)

Late Weekend Re-Cap

Over the weekend, well Saturday, I turned into Suzy Homemaker.  This was the only weekend I haven't had plans in months, so I decided that I was going to just stay home and hang with the parents and watch football.  We won't get into the VT game, though. That was depressing.

I decided to just make a few appetizers instead of a heavy meal.  I had been craving some carby things, so I made some favorites, just a little healthier. 

I should have took pictures individually, but my parents were hungry, so here it is together.  Quesadillas (from the frozen food section at WalMart...I was lazy), Mozzarella Sticks--they were so good (from Recipe Diaries), Mini Pizza's (and I forget where I got the recipe, I'll try to find it), and Piggies in a Blanket. 

And for dessert I wanted something using Pumpkin.  So I found this recipe for Pumpkin Spice No Bake Cheesecake (from SkinnyTaste.com).  It was amazing, and possibly better than pumpkin pie.

It was nice to have a lazy weekend at home, although it was tough not seeing boyfriend, since weekends is the only time I get to see him anyway.  Plans for this weekend: Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch :)

Off to a good start this month

Well, I did make too many carby football foods this weekend, but I got up this morning, did my weekly WI (+.6, but it was well deserved) showered, blah blah, packed my lunch and breakfast, and went on a 1.5 mile walk before work.  I even ran about 1/4th of it...which for me is huge.  I'm not a runner, never have been, not even when forced in high school, but hopefully I'll learn to at least tolerate it. 

This was the first time since I've attempted running at all since starting to do 30DS and the other DVD's, and compared to earlier this year (spring), I was able to run just a little more than I could before.  So a plus!

I've decided to start actually scheduling my workouts, and hopefully I'll learn to treat them like real appointments I can't miss. 

Plan for tonight, 30DS. 


ps, who else is enjoying this wonderful fall weather?

September Re-cap

I started off this month with so much energy and motivation.  Sadly with so much work stress that quickly ended, and I didn't do no where near as well as I would have liked.  But since I made a promise to check back in with my weight/measurement updates, here goes nothing.

Weight (as of Sept 26th--WW official WI day): 252--down 1 lb for September
Bust: 44.5 in
Waist: 40.75 in
Hips: 54 in
Thigh: 30.75 in
Arm: 16.5 in

I totally know what I need to work on, and October will be better.

Since the weather is cooler, I'm going to start going walking at least three days a week before work and do DVD's in the evenings.  I'm going to give 30DS a real try for the month of October, and hopefully I'll see some results both on the scale and in some inches lost.  And I'll check back in the beginning of November.

Goals for October
1. Workout at least 5 days a week.  This will include walking before work at least 3 days a week and DVD workouts in the evenings--some days will include both.
2. No soda at all.  Self explanatory.
3. Concentrate on eating whole, nutritious foods.  I'm going to limit prepackaged and processed crap.
4. Make a real effort to plan snacks and lunches.  Eating wise, I'm usually worse at work.  Because I get bored sitting at my desk and I snack more than I should.  I'm gonna work on it.

The big test will be the mini vacation with boyfriend towards the end of the month (I'm soooo excited about it)!!

You're Kidding Me, Right?

So, I'm at this topic again...

I recieved a check for mileage/gas when I had to go to the other office last Monday.  It bounced.  Big surprise there!  This is getting old, very fast.  At least the actual paycheck didn't bounce...but it did come out of the same account, so it was close! 

Retail/waiting tables/anything is looking better and better....

Budgeting

So over the last year or so, I've managed to rack up a decent credit card balance between two cards.  At the beginning of September it was about a total of $2,400 (both were about $1,200 each).

I made a promise to myself that I'd get them paid off asap (one by November-ish, and the second by tax time--and I do my taxes in February). 

Just in the month of September, I paid $500 on one of them, or 41.667% on that card, and 20.833% of my total balance.  The new total is about $735. My goal is to pay $300 on it in October (hopefully more, but with the pigeon forge trip I want to have plenty of cash, so I DON'T use a credit card), and pay the remainder in November, which would put me at meeting the first goal!  Then I can put everything I'm paying on this one, and add it to what I'm paying on the other one (small monthly amounts right now) and get the second one paid off hopefully by the end of January.

I want to be revolving debt free within the next 4 or so months.  Then that will leave car payment (which I'll start paying extra on) and my student loans.  Then regular bills, including adding more to savings. 

Figuring this stuff up today made me extremely happy and proud of myself!

Back on Track

I got absolutely no structured work out in this weekend, but that's ok.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Friday, I ended up doing some things around the house, so I was moving and not just sitting and watching TV all evening.  I made some very yummy and p+ friendly Pumpkin Spice Cookies that everyone loved.  And I took about half of the batch to the boyfriend when I saw him Saturday.  Better not to have them in the house, even if 1 pretty large cookie was only 3 pp. 

Saturday I spend the morning with my grandparents. We went to the Lord's Acre Sale, and I got some Apple Butter--seriously good stuff!  We then went to the church we use to go to for their Fall Festival.  It was great seeing some familiar faces!  I need to start visiting them more often!  I ended up getting some Zucchini Bread at the church, and it was yummy!

I spent the rest of Saturday with Clayton. We went to a truck pull, my first, and I had a freaking blast. We ended up walking around and standing quite a bit, so I still moved around some.  And I did have a plain hotdog, but that was it (well and some water too). 

This weekend completely threw off my sleep schedule, and if you know me, I get grumpy when I don't get enough sleep.  Ended up not going to bed until about 1 Sunday morning and sleeping until about 10. Then it was close to midnight before I went to bed last night, but I was up at 6. So tonight will probably be a very early night.

This week is the last week in the September Fitness Challenge that one of my good friends put together through facebook.  So Friday, I'll post an update to this thread with my weight and measurements.  Not sure if there will be a huge difference, but that's ok too.   As of today (my WI day for WW) I'm down 1 lbs since September 1st. At least it is a loss and not a gain, like the last few months have been. 

October will be much better.  Working out is starting to feel like something I want to do, instead of hating it.  That is progress in my eyes.

Jillian--you + me + 30DS will meet after work.  Be ready!

Take that 30DS!

For the first time since I've owned the 30 Day Shred, I have successfully completed it two days in a row!  And I feel great.  A little sore, but great! 

Tonight I will do day three, and rest on Saturday, since I won't be home anyway.  But I'm sure I'll get some kind of activity in this weekend.  And Sunday, pending what time I get home, I'll try to do day 4. If not, then I'll pick back up on Monday. 

I'm on a roll, and I don't plan on stopping!

Oh, and happy first day of fall!  It is totally my favorite time of year!

Caffine

I need some! I'm so sleepy all of a sudden, to the point I literally just nodded off for about 10 minutes in my office. Oops!  Off to go get something with caffine in it!

Endurance

Mine is increasing!!

A few months ago, I attempted to complete Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  On day one of level one, I failed miserably.  I took multiple breaks--Those jumping jacks killed me!  So, in great Heather fashion, I quit and moved on to other DVD's.  Lately I've been doing the Biggest Loser Cardio Max Weight Loss with Bob (I big puffy heart Bob Harper). 

So last night I decided to try Jillian again.  And, I completed it, with no breaks.  I owned those jumping jacks! I was so happy when I realized that I was on the last circuit and I was still going strong.  So I'm going to keep going!  I'm going to attempt it for the 30 days (with some rest days built in) and hopefully see some difference in inches and pounds.

A Good Day

I'm in a much better mood than I was in a couple days ago!

I got the cash for my check and the fees associated yesterday as promised. 

One reason my job isn't so fun (actually the main reason) is the other staff person in the office.  She complains constantly about how she hates her job.  She doesn't do things accurately or consistently, which puts more on me, which in turns stresses me out even more. 

So yesterday, she calls in (knowing we have to go to the other office as some people are coming).  But she still calls in--said it was a family emergency to our boss, but this morning she just told me "I had a lot going on". So whatever.

But it was actually a good day for her to call in, because they have been discussing staffing changes, that pertain to her. I hate to see anyone lose their job in this market, but something has to change for me to stay here, and I don't think they want to lose me based on the conversations yesterday.

I was finally asked where I see my future/position going. About time I get to give my input! I was completely honest, and I really don't se myself in the advisor role that I once did.  I like the back office, getting stuff done work that I'm doing now.  So will I still need to be licensed? No idea, but I should probably find out.

I left yesterday feeling happy. Happier than I've felt in about a year, when it comes to work.  I really do love what I do, it's just the people person that gives me so much stress.  But I feel better and more optimistic about this job, more than I have ever, I think.

Hmm

I'm not sure if having a weekend to sit and think about this whole check/job thing was a great thing.  The more I think about it, the more pissed I become. 

If I receive any shit tomorrow from him, I'm at the point where I am in the mindset to quit.  If he tries to give me some BS about his accounts being fine and it being my banks fault (which he tried on Friday), I have printed out from his accounts with our firm, that shows the account had no cash on Friday when the check was attempted to be cashed.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up a little more optimistic than I have been all weekend.  I'm just so over this entire situation....

And I was right

Check number two bounced. I'm so over this whole job and situation. 

So I send bossman an email, basically saying I need this fixed asap.  And that I wasn't going to go to the other office to work Monday (some kind of training, but the other office is almost 2 hours away...)

He responds back that his accounts were fine (both bounced for insuffiiecnt funds) and that if I chose not to go to the other office, it was my choice, but to remember that the consequences were also my doing.  So I take that as a threat to fire me. DON'T THREATEN ME. It isn't my fault that you can't write a good check if your life depended on it.  So close to saying eff you and packing up my office on Monday morning.  Also tempted to going to get a temp job at a grocery store or something.  At least then I would know I'd get a paycheck, and it wouldn't bounce.

I've applied for about 5 jobs today, that included extending my job span to where I'd be driving about an hour and a half...but at this point if the salary was good enough, it'd be worth it to get out of the hell hole I currently am in....

Part-Time Job?

I'm thinking of getting one, just for a few days a week in the evenings/nights.  Mainly because now that I have to worry about my paycheck bouncing, at least if I had some money I'd be able to go to the store and buy groceries and not have my card declined, like it was on Monday....

Ignore me today, I'm in a mood.

An update...

To the paycheck fiasco. 

Boss left me a check on my desk last night (I called him to let him know it bounced while he was still at the office) out of his personal account.  What he doesn't realize is that since he wrote it out of his account with our firm (I work in financial planning), I can see all client accounts, including his.  So this morning I check it....zero cash balance (everything is invested).  He has overdraft protection, but he's used up all of it but about $400, which won't cover my check.  But since I used savings/mom gave me a little to cover the bills I already had scheduled that came out last night, I went ahead and deposited it.  I'm 90% sure it will bounce too.  I'm beyond pissed.  And if it does bounce, he will wish he'd never had the pleasure of meeting me.  He will see a side of Heather that only a couple people have ever seen before.  Glad I don't have a doctors appointment anytime soon, because I'm sure my blood pressure is out of the roof!

I'm getting desperate

For a new job that is.  I've been looking for a new job for about a year now.  I've only gotten a handful of interviews, and obviously, no new job.  ))economy((

Now to add to my list of reasons for needing a new job....

My paycheck bounced.  I mean really??  I work for a financial advisor that can't manage his own finances.  I already had bills scheduled to go out, including my student loan (and I don't think writing bad checks to the government would be very good).  So I had to scramble last night to transfer money from my savings to cover the debits that were already pending on my account, so I wouldn't be included in the group of people that writes bad checks (although all mine are paid online, and not by a paper check).

I'm furious.  All I know is that he better have money in my hand by 5 pm today, or I'm liable to snap.

And

workout yesterday...check! Not a great one as my back has been bothering me this week. And it made sleeping almost impossible yesterday. sitting/laying/standing all are painful. Hopefully it will start feeling better on its own.

Thankfully today is my Friday.  Not sure how much more I could take this week. I just feel all blah, and just want to curl up with a book somewhere.  The lack of sunshine has probably done this to me. 

I will

work out tonight. And I will come back and report here either tonight or in the morning that I did or didn't.  And if I don't you all have my permission to virtually bitchslap me.  But I will do it!!

My lunch was awesome today :)
Grilled Chicken and steamed veggies--broccoli, cauliflower and baby carrots. 

Mom is out of surgery. She had two ruptured discs in her neck removed that had trapped a nerve.  Over the last couple months she's slowly lost some strength of her right arm, so hopefully the nerve wasn't permanently damaged and she'll get some, if not all, of it back.

This workday needs to hurry up!  It is dragging so bad. Probably doesn't help that tomorrow is my Friday...

A Difference

Since my multiple breakdowns last week, I've seen a difference. A real difference. 

• I'm paying attention to if I'm really hungry or not.
• I'm paying attention to the GHG's.
• I've actually gotten an adequate amount of water in, partial thanks given to the bladder infection I had.
• I've actually planned out meals.
• Yesterday was mom's birthday.  I made her a carrot cake (sheet cake, not layered) and I pre-cut it into 24 peices, instead of the normal 12 or 16 I usually do.  I did however, get some remarks from my dad about how small they were.  Then eat two.<<--that's what I told him.  Having small peices helps me, because I know I'm gonna want some, and 1/24th of the cake is plenty to satisfy my craving for a peice of cake!

And I was down 2.8 this week. 

The best time of the year is here!!

Football season!  More importantly, College football!!!  That is definitely how I plan on spending tomorrow!

Breakdown

I had a complete breakdown on the boy last night.  He now knows why I feel how I do about my weight.  Well at least how I explained it to the best of my abilities.  I've learned it is so hard to really explain things when the other person has never been there.  Like my parents. Sure they are supportive, but they don't really know what I've went through emotionally to get where I am in my WLJ, because they've never had to worry about their weights.  Neither has the boyfriend.  Up until last night he was always like, "you're beautiful, you don't need to change anything..." blah blah blah.  But I think he is starting to understand my side of things.  And he said he would always be supportive of me and love me no matter what. 

With all of these breakdowns in the last week, I feel free. It's hard to put into words, but I'm sure some of you can relate.  I know that this time I'm in the right place mentally and emotionally to get through this. 

Accountability

For some accountability for the month of September, I'm posting everything here, right now.  It's something that I've never done.  I've posted what I've lost and gained, but never actual, current numbers.  I used to be afraid to do it.  But I'm not anymore. I've finally accepted where I am today, and I'm ok with it in the sense I'm ready for change.  I'm better to improve my health and life.

So, here it goes:

Weight, as of today: 253
Measurements, as of today
Waist: 38 inches
Hips: 52.5 inches
Bust: 44.5 inches
Arms (fairly symmetrical on both sides): 16 inches
Thighs (fairly symmetrical): 30.5

So there it is.  On September 30th, I will put my current weight (even though it isn't, nor is my starting weight listed here my official WW WI days) and measurements for some reflection and accountability.  I will rock this month!

To get there I'm vowing to workout 4 times a week at least.  Continue to eat better and cleaner and track everything.  And be well on my way to my current weight goal of 5%.

30 Day Fitness Challenge

So, I've decided to partake in a FB challenge created by one of my friends.  I need the accountability and push to actually work out, although I have been doing much better lately. I do believe that my aha moment and breakdown I had over the weekend really was a real aha moment and turning point for me.  Hopefully I'm right.  We'll see.  I'm ready to tackle this!

The "aha" moment....

I definitely had one this weekend. I went camping with Clayton and a couple of his friends this weekend. Yesterday we went on a hike from where we had camp set up on Whitetop Mountain to a little overlook place, Buzzard Rock.

Buzzard Rock is the ledge on the right side of the picture. This was the view from where we were camping. Doesn't look too far, does it?

This is from Buzzard Rock looking back up to where were were camped...at the very top of the hill on the right hand side. 

Everything was fine and a lot of fun on the way down, because it was downhill the entire time. 

Now clue "aha moment". The way back up. I don't even remember how many times I had to stop to catch my breath or let my legs rest. I felt horrible for being the reason we had to stop so much. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to go on little hikes with Clayton and our friends and not think twice about it. I started crying about halfway back because I'm tired of being that person. 

I have been doing better lately on this journey. Yesterday was definitely what I needed to give me that extra push, I think.

The view was quite nice!

It was definitely worth the pain that I faced. I needed to face that to be able to know I need to stick with this. I know it won't happen overnight, but I know that if I stick with it, it will happen.

I've gotta do this for me, because I want a very long life with this guy

Upside, I was down 2.8 for WI this week :)

I'm on a roll!

742 calories burned last night! Whew.

So yesterday I experience my 2nd natural disaster of the year, the Earthquake.  The building I work in shook for about 15 seconds probably.  Definitely not as scary as the tornado that hit us in April, but still shook some nerves. While we had no damage here, I did read that near the epicenter there was some damage.  But the weather this year has been so weird.

Now to prepare for possible rain/winds from the hurricane that is supposed to make landfall this weekend....

Weekend Recap!

As a follow up to Saturday's post, I did finish vaccuming and I DID do a workout DVD.  And I felt great afterward! 

Sunday I left early to go to to Clayton's house. We went to church then had a birthday party for his son. It was a blast. And I definitely got my workout on by chasing a 3 year old around a park for a few hours! It was so much fun though. And my legs were actually a tad bit sore this morning from all of that running around.

Today's agenda for after work is dog nails and another DVD. I will make this a habit this time!

Motivation

It is so hard to regain motivation once it is lost. I've been struggling to find mine for a couple months now. But for some reason, it just hit me. I've been cleaning and doing things around the house all day.  Vacccuming, sweeping, laundry, moping, dusting, cleaning the dog room....It is seriously the most activity I've gotten in a while, and that makes me sad.

But I suddenly have the urge to pop in a good workout DVD. So that is what I'm going to do. Go finish vaccuming and pop in a DVD.

I still need to work on what's going on emotionally for me to have hit such a roadblock in this journey.  I'm pretty much back at my starting/highest weight. And, I don't like it. But I'm not going to whine about it. Something has blocked me for succeeding, and I'm determined to figure out what it is.  I know it won't happen overnight, but I feel different today. Hopefully that is a sign. I need to work on getting healthy, once and for all. But I also need to figure out what's been going on in my brain lately. I've been so emotional, and I can't pinpoint why. Yes, my job has been stressful lately, but I don't see that being my biggest emotional problem. Hopefully I'm about to have a breakthrough. But until then, I'm going to go vaccum and do a DVD.

What a week!

I'm so glad it is almost over, too!

My job boss almost got the best of me this week. And I hate that.  I'm tired of being unappreciated for the work I do. Don't accuse me of not caring about my job. Don't bitch at me because I leave at 5, or shortly thereafter, everyday.  According to our posted hours, I'm paid to be here from 9-5 Monday -Thursday and 9-1:30 on Friday.  And considering when you gave me that raise in January, my salary is based on an hourly rate for 36.5 hours per week. The part you don't realize is that I'm usually in the office about 8:15 every morning. Well that ended this week. Until I can feel like I'm valued, you will no longer get any "extra" out of me.  I'll come in, do my job, go home.  I'm so over this place. My one wish is to find a job that I like, and I don't even care what I am doing. It's so sad how a single person can make me regret my college major/career aspiration of choice....

This weekend is Clayton's son, Trevor's birthday. He'll be three. Now to figure out what to get him...

I did lose 1.2 this week. This week I've not been great, so I'm not sure how Monday will turn out. But I'm going to do whatever I can this weekend to see a loss on Monday! 

Courtney leaves for school tomorrow. While I'll miss having my little sister around, I'm ready to have quiet in the house again!

I could....

Look at this for days :)

Went to the WV State Fair last night to see Chris Young and Steel Magnolia.  Had front row tickets. Had a blast. Got home at 1 am. Was up at 6.  I'm exhausted. Tonight will be an early night. 

Whew, I think it's time for an update

It's been a busy week!  And August will only get more busy, I fear.

This weekend Blake leaves for camp at his breeders house, Clayton and I are going out for lunch and mini golf with my sister and her boyfriend since she leaves for school next weekend.

Next weekend is Clayton's sons birthday party, to which I was invited. Now I've gotta figure out something small to get him. He loves trains, so probably some kind of toy train (as if he doesn't have enough)! 

And the last weekend in August, Clayton and I are going camping with a couple he knows. Should be fun.

How sad is it that one of the things I'm looking forward to most in the next couple weeks is the 70 degree weather we are supposed to have Saturday and Sunday and the beginning of next week?  I'm so over summer, and ready for cool temps and fall!

Speaking of fall, Clayton's birthday is in a month (from tomorrow) and I finally figured out what I'm doing for him.  On his birthday, well the night before, I'm going to take him out to dinner, to a place of his choice. The big surprise is that I've planned a weekend away in Pigeon Forge in October.  I just told him to take X day off, and he did.  Surprisingly he hasn't tried to figure out what I have up my sleeve :)  The hardest part is keeping it secret.  In late October, when we are going, the fall colors will be at their peak, so a drive through the Smokies is a must.  And October is good because it isn't hot! I'll gladly welcome the 60s during the day and 40s at night!  Now I have to just wait to tell him....

And to make the next couple months even more busy, I finally got everything I need to do my U4 so I can take the series 7 exam. After I file my U4 and it is sent to FINRA, I'll have 120 days to register, take AND pass both the series 7 and series 66 exams. I don't even have the book for the series 66! Guess I need to get on that....Especially since it doesn't look like Heather is going to luck up and get a new job anytime soon....Eh, oh well I guess. It'll happen when it is supposed to....

August Already?

How is it already August??  Wasn't it just March like 5 days ago?  This year is seriously flying by!

How is it that I've only been with Clayton for 3 months today?  Haven't I been with him well over a year now?  It really does seem that way! 

I had a show this weekend in South Carolina.  It was outrageously hot, but we had fun of course.  I love these shows because I see people that I don't normally get to see. It is also our Dalmatian Specialty (of the regional club I am a member of).  Blake has lost his brain again. He is ok and comfortable if he is just relaxing with me ringside, but the minute that there is a loud noise or something, he jumps like a scared puppy.  So, I made the incredibly hard decision to let him go to camp at his breeder/co-owners house for a few months.  He is so attached to me it is crazy, and we think that him not having me to lean on will help him get over this stage he is going through.  And we have a theory on why noises are bothering him.  The tornado that literally came through our yard in April.  It was so freaking loud.  And after it, he was boarded at the vets office, then with other Dal people for a total of about a month. So his world was shook up. And when he came back home, he just latched onto his momma!  And I don't want him so dependent on me.  It could cause major issues later (I had one a few years ago that actually snapped and growled at a judge, and he was uber attached to me, and I don't want that happening ever again). 

So, he will leave for Michigan from the show on Sunday. I'll miss him like crazy, but I'm doing it for him. And of course, he'll always come back to me!  But now, I'm show dogless again.  No shows isn't necessarily a bad thing, as I can use money I'd be spending on entries and things to get some debt paid off. 

And of course, I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". So I know there is a reason that Blake is going to camp. I know there is a reason I won't be doing shows until November probably. It will all work out, I'm sure. 

In other news, I did gain .6 this morning. But that is fine after eating out the last 4 days.  So it is probably a sodium/water retention thing. Goal for this week, eat cleaner and drink more water.

I love

That today is my Friday.  I've been way too emotional this week.

Lack of a new job/stress + missing Clayton + TOM = emotional Heather.

But having a 3 day work week makes life some better, at least at the moment. 


What has been a huge victory for me this week? Tracking everything.  Even if I did have too much chocolate yesterday, I tracked it all.  That is huge for me. In the past if I didn't track it, it didn't exist.  But the last 2 weeks I've gained 5.6, and I was only about 3 pounds from my initial starting weight.  So this week I started over. I lost 2.2 of what I had gained.  I know that I MUST make it a priority or it isn't going to happen. 

About a month ago, right around my birthday, I broke down to Clayton and explained to him my weight issues and how it has been an issue since before I can really remember-I was always the overweight kid from
basically elementary school. And how it has affected me all these years.  I had never told anyone I've been in a relationship before all of this, not even way back when I was engaged.  He was very responsive and supportive, even through the "I love you how you are" and "you don't have to change anything for me".  Which I already knew, but I can now honestly say I'm doing this for ME.  And realizing that was huge.  I could never really say that before this point. 

Here is to a(nother) new beginning!  But I'm for real this time.  I can't explain it, but my mindset and emotion about it is completely different this time!

The Future

14 months ago, I graduated college.  Received my BS in the financial planning program at VT.  My plan was to find a job in a fee-only planning firm (because I don't want to sell stuff to make part of my paycheck). 

Fast forward to now. I'm working in a planning firm (have been for over two years now).  But I don't consider it planning at all. It is investment management.  My bosses sell stuff to make money.  And I hate it here.  I haven't been happy for over a year here, and it is progressively getting worse. 

The real problem:  I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  So it is making this job search thing hard.  It also doesn't help that there isn't anything around me hardly.  Sure I could look for something so I could relocate somewhere, but I can't for personal reasons.  Call me dumb, but that is how it is. 

If I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life, that paid well, then I'd be set.  Until I figure that out, I'm just applying for jobs and hoping that I'll like it if I get an opportunity. 

Why can't being a grown-up be easier so everything would just fall into place??

Well I wasn't expecting that...

After 3 interviews and over the course of almost 3 months, I didn't get the job.  Apparently that stupid unoffcial job offer was a load of crap.  I don't get it.  I was so upset earlier when I got the call.  I know there is a reason for it, but seriously, after actively looking and applying for over a year now, you'd think something would turn out good....

I have a confession....

I've been cheating WW like whoa.  I haven't tracked in like 4 weeks.  And it has definitely shown on the scale.  I never felt as sad as when I did this morning (when it has come to my WLJ) when I stepped on the scale.  Hopefully the scale having the incredibly large number means it is going to be a turning point.  One can hope.  But I have tracked everything that I put in my mouth today.  My goal is to do that daily for 7 days.  Hopefully going by days and not weeks will make me not get overwhelmed.

It is not helping that I miss the boyfriend.  It sucks big time not getting to see him during the week.  And on weekends it is getting harder and harder to go back home.

Ugh, it is just one of those weeks, and I'm not even PMSing....

This Heat...

Is so not my friend.  When I got to work at 8:30 this morning it was already over 80 degrees with 94% humidity (the humidity % has sense gone down a little).  I'm not a fan of summer for this reason.  I should get out of the shower and immediately feel like I need another one. 

But this weekend was so nice.  Clayton got me a dozen roses for no reason at all on Saturday :)  My dad made the comment that he didn't remember anyone ever getting me a dozen of anything, and I may have a keeper. 

One of me and my sisters friends got married Saturday and Clayton was nice enough to go with me.  We had a blast.  He ended up fighting my sisters boyfriend for the garter, and won.  And I have to say he look very nice all dressed up. 

Sunday, I met his dad, step-mom, grandfather (paternal) and an uncle and a couple of cousins.  It is always nice to put faces with names. 

This coming weekend, he is going to his first dog show with me.  Hopefully he won't hate it, but I'll totally understand if it isn't his cup of tea.  It isn't for many people, including my dad and sister.  But I'm glad he is at least trying it out.  And at least this way, he'll be able to understand more when I'm talking about them.  And he'll get to bond with Blake, which is important, because where I go, he goes.