The Blog is on Facebook!

I had been contemplating a facebook page for the blog, and this morning I decided to do it! 

https://www.facebook.com/heathersjourneythroughlife

Go like it! Right now it is just my sisters, mom and one friend (hi Jordan!).

My older sister didn't know about the blog. My younger sister is a committed reader-usually she has read a post before I tell her there is a new one and my mom has read it occasionally.

The support I've gotten just from my oldest sister today has been overwhelming. Maybe I just need more real life support? My mom sent me a text after liking the page and it said "You can do this, Heather".  I have ton's of support from the WW boards, but maybe I need the people around me routinely to know that I'm on this journey? I can't decide if I want to share it on my personal facebook or not. I would say 75% of me does, but the other 25% is having self-esteem issues. I don't like failing and I don't like people seeing me fail. I think that is what is stopping me. But what if the support from "real life" people is what I need? I can't decide. I think I'm going to give it a few days to brew.

But for real, go like the page!

Scale Tales

Current: 264.2
Previous: 263.6
Difference: +0.6

I'm ok with it. I indulged a lot over the holiday weekend, but I am back on track now. I got in a solid workout last night and I am planning another for tonight.  I'm not going to let it get me down. I refuse to wait to get back on track in January when the rest of the world does. I am doing this now! I am not going to maintain or gain my way through the holidays. I'm going to make the next month really count and begin 2013 lower than I was at the beginning of 2012 (around 260). I'm going to start being more honest and accountable with myself every.single.day!

Back Into a Routine

I usually am never a fan of Mondays. This is intensified for Mondays after a long weekend. I'm struggling to be productive today!

I thoroughly enjoyed my long weekend. It was nice having nothing to worry about. I was lazy and gladly admit to it. I enjoyed spending time with family. It was very low key. Friday, my parents went out for the day (literally). They were gone from about 10 am until about 7 pm. I enjoyed my quiet time! I may have taken two naps on Friday while they were gone. And they were glorious! Saturday my sister and I went out for a mexican lunch and to see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Yes I am still very much a teenage girl when it comes to both the books and movies. I just love them! I have to say, I really liked this movie. I won't give away spoilers in case there are readers that haven't seen it yet (and are planning on it), but Oh.Em.Gee at the ending.

And on Saturday I switched cell providers (read: I joined my mom's family plan) and got an iPhone 5 (what apps do I need)? It will save me about $60 per month (I'll be paying her for my added line). I love that they can keep your original number when you switch now! And yesterday was spent playing catch up on laundry and doing homework for this week.

This is the last week of my current class. my next class is Marketing and it starts next Monday.


And now I need to get back OP. I don't have a relationship with water anymore so I'm reforming that today. Same goes for fruits and veggies. I did step on the scale (I totally failed at that not weighing until December 1st thing, but came close) and it was only up 0.4 on Friday, but my eating wasn't great over the weekend, so we will see what the scale says tomorrow..

Speaking of weigh in's, I did take about 4 weeks off from the scale and it definitely helped. When I stepped on the first time, I was exactly the same as I was in October when I took the break. So I'm ok with that. I didn't gain! I will go back to normal scale tales posts tomorrow with a fresh mind and WI tracker.

How was everyone else's Thanksgiving? Are you struggling as bad as I am at being motivated today?

New Way to Track

So late last week I ordered a paper diet and exercise tracker. It is the DietMinder Personal Food and Fitness Journal. It can be seen here.

I've never tracked my food and activity by hand. I have always done it on the WW online tracker. My WW subscription is due to expire the beginning of December, and I haven't decided if I will renew it right away. I think I'm going to see how I do actually writing things down the next few weeks while tracking pp's with WW before I decide on my WW subscription.

First page (starting tomorrow). It tracks calories, fat, carbs, fiber and protein, and has a couple spots if you want to track something else.

Page 2 of day one. Has a spot for activity, vitamins and water intake.

Fresh Start

I know I've done this before. You're probably just as tired of hearing it as I am saying it.

I was thinking last night about my WLJ and how it is going nowhere fast. I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds since July/August. I've been lazy. I've been complacent. I've not been giving it any effort basically at all. I haven't tried like I should. And I haven't wanted it like I wish.

I'm starting over from scratch. I'm going to pretend this is my first time back at WW. I'm going to track and measure everything. I'm going to make sure I get in the good health guidelines (fruits, veggies, water, healthy oils and dairy). I reset my tracker to start from scratch. I know I can do this. I know how much I really want to succeed. I know that I'm going to have to work my ass off (literally). I'm prepared to give it my all. This will be my last time starting over.

To begin with I'm going to take it one meal at a time. If I keep doing that then I will basically be stringing good, OP days together, which will lead to weeks and months. I will be successful this time. I'm going to focus on why I really want to succeed and remind myself of it everyday.

Source: Pinterest

Dinner Time!

Such a yummy dinner tonight. Honey Mustard Chicken, Parmesan Yellow Squash and Zucchini, and Mashed Potatoes. So good.

And while dinner was cooking, I was busy making my lunch for tomorrow: Salad with lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers and red wine vinegrette dressing. And I'll probably put some leftover chicken on top. This will be a good week!

Sweating!

I'm dripping sweat. I feel much better now!

Not too bad for an 18 minute workout.

 

 

 

Struggle Train

I have never hid the fact on this blog that I have a mental struggle with food. Some days/weeks/months are better than others. This week hasn't been great. Not the worst, but definitely not great. I eat out of boredom or frustration or sadness.

I'm not sure what I want out of this post, but a lot of people around me are struggling lately. I see it daily on the boards and hear it from some friends in real life. I guess I just wanted to make sure they know they aren't alone. While everyones weight loss journey is different, they are partially the same. And at any given moment there is probably someone that can relate (not identically) to what you're going through.

Some boardies have talked about, and I've read great reviews about the Beck Diet Solution. I think I'm going to head to Barnes and Noble this weekend (or try to) and get it..or just order it on amazon. It is supposed to really work with your cognitive behaviors to aid in weight loss. If I get it, I'll be sure to give it a review on the blog.

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A few people have asked how the new workouts are going. And they are going great. So far I'm staying motivated. On the calendar for tonight is a full body stability workout.  I like them because they are between 20 and 30 minutes long, easy to do at home, and she plans your workouts to use the equipment that you have.  I don't have much in the way of gym equipment at home. I have a stability ball, set of dumbells and a resistance band.  That's it. But Courtney created a complete workout for me using those things and body weight exercises. I totally love them!

I'm looking forward to seeing my progress at the end of the 4 weeks. I took my measurements, which I need to post, but that paper is at home, and will use Monday's WI as my start weight (since I started on Monday and all). I'll try to remember to post those measurements tonight or tomorrow.

Color Me Rad 5K!

Yes, I signed up for this. For the end of this month. Am I crazy? Probably. I'm not a runner. I don't like running, but I'm doing this with a wonderful friend and we are doing it just for fun. Not worried about times or the fact that most of it will be walked probably. I'm actually super excited!!



September Goals Update

The beginning of September start off great, then my emotions and a lack of motivation hit and I stumbled.  But in keeping up with wanting to be accountable, here are the results.

1. 15 Workouts.  Fail-I hit 13. But on a positive note, I had 13 workouts last week.
2. Track everything. Success! Everything was tracked. The good, the bad and the ugly
3. Lose 5 lbs. Fail. I'm up 0.6 for the month.

I won't lie. Last month was hard. I had a few rough patches, mainly stemming back to emotional eating and binging. But I want to stay accountable. If I knew I had no one to be accountable to (which I can chose not to) the number for this month would have been worse. My guess is that I'll always struggle with my relationship with food. I almost guarantee that to myself. But I'm slowly learning how to deal with it, and I know I have made great strides. Even when I binge, I force myself to track it. That way I can't just "forget about it". I really want to continue making progress with controling the emotional eating in the next few months before I start the MBA program. I know I'll be even more stressed then, so if I can get a handle on it now before I'm even more stressed, then I know that it will be easier to continue on my journey to a healthier me.

Emotions

I have been so freaking emotional this week. I hate when I'm like this. Wanting to cry for no apparent reason. Although now I think I know where a small part could be coming from.

1. I'm about 2 weeks away from what would have been my wedding day. No I don't regret calling it off. I know the right decision was made, but it is still a little sad.
2. A co-worker informed me that she chose her wedding venue...the fucking same place I was going to be using. It probably shouldn't, but it upset me a little, especially this close to the would be wedding day.

I want to calm my emotions with chocolate and wine. But I'm not going to let myself. I know that it won't help anything in the long run, because then I'll get angry and sad when I gain on Monday. It's hard to not break into the candy dish full of hershey kisses, but I'm avoiding the lobby like crazy. I will get through this slump without having a gain to go along with it. I will. I promise.

September Goals

I didn't make any formal goals for August. But I'm back for September.  August wasn't a great month. It was ok, but nothing great. I want to make September great!

1. 15 Workouts.  I'm at 2 after my dog show over the weekend.
2. Track everything. I took the last two weeks of August off from tracking. Mentally, I just needed the break. But I'm going to start tracking again.
3. Lose 5 lbs. I'm at -1.4 after today (starting with my WI from August 27th). I want to get out of the 250's this month, once and for all.

I'll check in with my goals weekly with my WI post on Mondays!

Binging

I've been trying to come up with the words for this post for two days. It's hard for me. This subject has always been hard for me. There are just a couple of people that I've discussed this with in my real life.

I had been doing fairly well on the eating front, until Monday.

Binge eating is an eating disorder, just like bulemia and anorexia. I've spent a lot of time over the last year or so trying to really pay attention to my body.  I don't need a doctor to tell me that I'm a binger (yes, I do self-diagnose all of the time). But it's true, and I've been trying to work on it. I had been doing well.

What I did Monday was a binge.

I was just kind of out of it Monday. One of those things where you can't pinpoint what is wrong. Just a blah feeling. I had my normal breakfast and lunch. A little candy at work.  When I left work I was on like auto-pilot, almost numb feeling. I stopped at Wendy's and got a 10 pc chicken nugget meal. Ate it on my way home and found a trash can to throw the bag and drink cup into. I had to stop at the store to get a pound of hamburger and garlic bread for our dinner at home. No problem, until I bough a large, filled cupcake. Ate that on the way home, throwing away the evidence before anyone could see it.

I then ate dinner with my family like normal. Spaghetti and garlic bread.  All of this was eaten between the hours of 5 and 6:30. I ate 40 points at dinnertime. Total I had 62 on Monday. I get 39 per day.

It's extremely hard to explain how I feel when binges like this happen. It's almost numbing. It's like I don't really realize what is happening. No real emotion. I'm just in auto.

My binges are always when I'm alone. No one ever sees the evidence. Monday was the perfect example. I enhaled it while driving, then threw away the trash so no one would see it. 

I'm not sure why it happened on Monday. Usually I can look back and pretty much identify a trigger, but nothing pops out about Monday. I feel ashamed when I binge. I want to have more self control. Maybe I'm too critical of myself sometimes?  Who knows.

Hopefully it was an isolated incidence. Actually, I'm going to do my best to make sure it was isolated. I hate the way I feel afterwards, so I don't want to keep doing it.

Focusing on Me

The last couple of weeks, I've not been the greatest at focusing on me. I've not been horrible, just sort of meh.

This week, I decided that I'm damn tired of putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Thanks to a WW boardie friend, I was introduced to heathlywage. I joined the 10% challenge. The rules state that I pay $100. If I lose 10% of my body weight, approximately 25 lbs, in 6 months, they pay me $200! I'm fairly cheap, so I don't want to lose my $100. I want it, plus some back! I just have to have my WW leader fax in a weight verification form to get my true starting weight.

My Zumba DVDs are supposed to be delivered Tuesday. I can't wait to get them! I will lose the 10%. I will.

I'm excited to really start focusing on me. I can honestly say that I've never done that. I am working on a plan for basically every aspect of my life. I'm going to really amp up the job search, I'm hoping in the Roanoke area, since it is near school, and it will have so many more opportunities. Depending on where I am next fall, I want to buy a house. That probably won't happen if I'm working in Roanoke, because that would include moving. But as long as I'm living at home, I'm keeping the house goal. And I will start making real progress towards getting to my goal weight. I've juggled the same five pounds for over a year, and I've reached my breaking point. I will do this.

Scale Tales and Changes

-3.2 at WI last night!!  Total lost is now 6.6.  Which I will totally take!

So much has happened in the last week, and I don't even know where to start.  I guess the biggest thing is that I ended my relationship with Clayton. We had our differences. He wanted me around more than I was, and I like my alone time. I'm independent, and don't like feeling smothered (not that he really smothered me). The problems really started happening Memorial Day weekend, and we had made it through that hurdle. I tried to get him to work things out, he said he needed time/space, so I removed all of my things from his house. It was definitely a hard decision to make, and I really love him. But sometimes love isn't enough. We will both pick up and move on.

I'm going to move my job search to more populated areas and closer to school. I've set goals for myself. I want to concentrate on making me happy now. I've always put everyone else first, and at 24, I think it is time to put myself first.  I have a wonderful support system and want to give my all to school and finding a better job. Depending on where I eventually land a job and if I have to move right away or not, my goal is to buy a house next fall. Once my student loans go into deferment again (hopefully next month since the new loans will be distributed), I'm going to start throwing money into savings. My goal (as long as I'm living at home) is to live off of one pay check, and save the other. Totally doable, I just have to stay focused and disciplined.

As much as it hurts right now, I know deep down it was for the best. We ultimately wanted different things. He was happy with a job, I want a career. He loves being around family and friends, and while I do as well, I also extremely value and need alone time. Nothing wrong with either of us, we just want different things in a relationship/marriage. It just wasn't meant to be.

June Wrap-Up

Personally, June was a great month for me!  Let's re-cap

The Goals:
1. WO 4-5 times a week. -I hit this one all but the 3rd week in June.
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. -I didn't hit this one, but I did lose 2.2 last month. Doesn't seem like much, but to me, it is success.
3. Track Everything. -Huge success. I have tracked 100% since June 4th!

I was by far more active this month than I have been in a long time. I found Zumba, and love it.  I feel so much better since I'm moving more!  I can tell a difference in how my clothes (some of them) are fitting. I saw a number on the scale this morning (an unofficial weigh in) and it made me super excited and motivated! 

I want to feel like this at the end of every.single.month. That is my goal. To start feeling good about myself!

I'll be back later today, hopefully, with some goals for July!

Goal Update

Last week wasn't the greatest. WI was +2.2. But it is that wonderful time of month, and my birthday was Sunday, and there was cake to be had. I'm not horribly surprised, but of course, I wish it would have been a loss or at least a smaller gain.

Here's the weekly update to the June Goals.

1. WO 4-5 times a week.  Not quite check. I got in 3
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. I don't see this one getting met this month. I'm at  +0.6...
3. Track Everything. Check! This has been the biggest success of the month. I've tracked everything completely since June 4th.

Goal update

In keeping up with my June Goals, here's an update from last week.

1.WO 4-5 times a week.  No check, I got in 2/4
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. So far I'm down 1.6 for the month.  If I stay on track, I can definitley hit at least 5 lbs for the month. 2 more weeks!
3. Track Everything. Double check! Tracking is definitely the reason I had a 2.6 lb loss last night!

Goals Update

As promised, I'm tracking my June goals on a weekly basis.  So here's an update for June 4-10!

1. WO 4-5 times a week.  Check!  I got in some early in the week, then got sick and took a break. Thankfully this past weekend was a dog show weekend, and that gets me moving! 
2. Lose 5-10 lbs.  I'll update this one after my meeting tonight. So far, I'm up 1.2 for the month.
3. Track Everything. Check! I tracked everything last week, and have through lunch pre-tracked for today. 

I'm starting to get my mojo back. I had a couple of very lax weeks in May, but I feel motivated again!

And speaking of dog shows, my friend Jenny, who is a grandmom to the whippet puppies, won her first Best in Show yesterday!  I'm so thrilled for her!

June Already?

Seriously, where has the time gone?  Time for a May wrap-up and time to set some goals for June.

I didn't really set any goals for May, just to stay mostly on plan and make some progress. 
May Starting: 258.8
May Ending: 255.8
Difference: -3 lbs. 

I'll take it. I had 2 weeks of maintaining in there, so I'm ok with that.  I did count this week as a maintain, because I didn't have my meeting on Monday, due to the holiday.

I finally managed to take my measurements this morning.  I took them when I recommitted on April 16th, so about 6 weeks had passed. I had a few pair of pants that seemed to be fitting slightly better in places, so I was curious where my measurements stood.

Measurements on 4/16		Measurements on 6/1		Change
Arm: 17 inches		Arm: 16.25 inches		-0.25
Hips: 54 inches		Hips: 54 inches		0
Bust: 46 inches		Bust: 45 inches		-1
Waist: 39 inches		Waist: 38 inches		-1
Thigh: 33 inches		Thigh: 30.25 inches		-2.75

Total inches lost: -5.5

I'm thrilled with that number, and it gives me the motivation to make June a great month.  Speaking of June, lets get to some goals

1. Workout 4-5 times a week.
2. Lose 5-10 pounds
3. Track everyday

Anyone else have a good May?  What are your goals for June?