What's Your Motivation?

I've been asked a few times what my motivation is for my weight loss journey.  It is a topic of discussion quite often on the WW boards.

I have a list of reasons. Some are vain, most aren't. Vain for me is how I look. Non-vain for me comes from inward-how I feel. So I'm going to share my list with you.
  • To walk into any store and know I can fit into their clothes.
  • To look good naked.
  • To be able to wear a bikini.
  • To feel good about myself.
  • To be confident in new and exciting situations.
  • To not be afraid to try new activities.
  • To be healthy. Diabetes and heart problems are prevelant in my family.
  • To be comfortable in my own skin.
  • To be more energetic
  • To be happier and less stressed. 
  • To be healthy for a future family I may have.
The list could go on, but those are the ones that pop into my head immediately. The main ones being about my health. I want to be healthy. For myself and for whatever the future holds in store for me. I want to have more energy. I want to be fearless. Right now my lack of confidence stops me from doing many things.

So, what's holding me back? Honestly, myself. The lowest weight I remember being was around 175, and that was 8th or 9th grade. The lowest I've been in my adult life is around 225. I have no idea what I'll look like at a healthy weight. No idea. I've never been there. I'm pretty sure I bypassed my healthy weight range in elementary school. I'm scared of the unknown. But I'm tired of letting my fear guide me through life. I want to be a success story, with a side-by-side comparison picture floating around pinterest (yes, I admitted that). I want to be a WW success story. I want to get to my goal weight and maintain it. Believe me, I know it's a long journey and full of ups and downs, but I know how much I want this now.

I'm slowly finding myself again. I'm 120% dedicated to doing this for me. I'm not doing this for a wedding, for a guy, for anyone else. I'm doing this for me. I'm tired of letting fear guide the way I live my life.

From this moment on, I'm putting everything I have into this journey.

What is your motivation? What, if anything, is holding you back from achieving goals?


Scale Tales

256.8 (+3.6)

It was totally expected. The stress from the last couple of weeks got to me. I haven't worked out basically at all. This will be a good week. I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm recommitting starting right this minute. I got my WW leader to fill out the weight verification page for me for the healthy wage challenge. I'll have approximately 25.7 lbs to lose in 6 months to hit the 10% goal.

I got my Zumba Exhilarate DVD set today. I'm so exciting to jump into the program! 

I truly haven't felt this excited about a fresh start in a very long time. 


Focusing on Me

The last couple of weeks, I've not been the greatest at focusing on me. I've not been horrible, just sort of meh.

This week, I decided that I'm damn tired of putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Thanks to a WW boardie friend, I was introduced to heathlywage. I joined the 10% challenge. The rules state that I pay $100. If I lose 10% of my body weight, approximately 25 lbs, in 6 months, they pay me $200! I'm fairly cheap, so I don't want to lose my $100. I want it, plus some back! I just have to have my WW leader fax in a weight verification form to get my true starting weight.

My Zumba DVDs are supposed to be delivered Tuesday. I can't wait to get them! I will lose the 10%. I will.

I'm excited to really start focusing on me. I can honestly say that I've never done that. I am working on a plan for basically every aspect of my life. I'm going to really amp up the job search, I'm hoping in the Roanoke area, since it is near school, and it will have so many more opportunities. Depending on where I am next fall, I want to buy a house. That probably won't happen if I'm working in Roanoke, because that would include moving. But as long as I'm living at home, I'm keeping the house goal. And I will start making real progress towards getting to my goal weight. I've juggled the same five pounds for over a year, and I've reached my breaking point. I will do this.


Finding Myself

The last two weeks have been hard. Very hard. I lost the person I loved the most. Before, I was naive enough to think that as long as there was love, you'd be ok. Not the case. And deep down, I knew that. I'm not that naive...But it has been hard. I've had to stop myself from sending texts. I miss having someone to fall asleep with and wake up with. I miss having someone to hold me when I'm sad. I miss all of those things. And that is what will take the most time to heal.

I've always been notorious for holding in my feelings, usually bad/sad feelings. I'm trying not to do that this time. I know I need to get them out in order to fully heal. I know he'll always have a place in my heart and I will always care for and love him. But I will move on. I will find someone that has more of the same ambitions as I do. I will find someone that values their personal time as much as me. I will find that someone.

Earlier this week, I ran across a blog post that has really set with me. Brianna over at Shine or Set, wrote about trust and love/heartache and settling (three separate posts). All three have truly helped me the last couple days. I'll highlight some of them. But I so encourage you to read them. She's a smart lady!

Opportunities are placed in front of us when we are ready. Sometimes we wonder why relationships don't work out. We wonder if we are the right person. Follow your instincts in relationships, even if it says to let go. The right person will come into your life when you say goodbye to the past, stop forcing things, let go and let happen and trust.

Bravest Love:
All of the moments that tug on your heartstrings are the moments that are leading you to great love. To the one person who wants to creat new moments. Moments that outweighs all of the others. Moments that heal you. Moments that make you believe in good again.

Never Settle:
We rush into things because we feel like we will miss out. Let go of the bad, and know the good will come in time. Don't settle for a job where you're under-appreciated, unfulfilled and not doing what you love. Don't settle for a relationship where you don't have butterflies, where your times are more unhappy than not.


A week

It's been a week since my relationship ended. I've been so strong, mainly since Sunday. Now, I want to cry. Probably because he was going to be going to the dog show with me this weekend, and of course now, he's not. And today would have been three months to the wedding. I know we made the right decision, but it hurts still. Hopefully this weekend away will be beneficial to me.

I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry.


Scale Tales and Changes

-3.2 at WI last night!!  Total lost is now 6.6.  Which I will totally take!

So much has happened in the last week, and I don't even know where to start.  I guess the biggest thing is that I ended my relationship with Clayton. We had our differences. He wanted me around more than I was, and I like my alone time. I'm independent, and don't like feeling smothered (not that he really smothered me). The problems really started happening Memorial Day weekend, and we had made it through that hurdle. I tried to get him to work things out, he said he needed time/space, so I removed all of my things from his house. It was definitely a hard decision to make, and I really love him. But sometimes love isn't enough. We will both pick up and move on.

I'm going to move my job search to more populated areas and closer to school. I've set goals for myself. I want to concentrate on making me happy now. I've always put everyone else first, and at 24, I think it is time to put myself first.  I have a wonderful support system and want to give my all to school and finding a better job. Depending on where I eventually land a job and if I have to move right away or not, my goal is to buy a house next fall. Once my student loans go into deferment again (hopefully next month since the new loans will be distributed), I'm going to start throwing money into savings. My goal (as long as I'm living at home) is to live off of one pay check, and save the other. Totally doable, I just have to stay focused and disciplined.

As much as it hurts right now, I know deep down it was for the best. We ultimately wanted different things. He was happy with a job, I want a career. He loves being around family and friends, and while I do as well, I also extremely value and need alone time. Nothing wrong with either of us, we just want different things in a relationship/marriage. It just wasn't meant to be.


June Wrap-Up

Personally, June was a great month for me!  Let's re-cap

The Goals:
1. WO 4-5 times a week. -I hit this one all but the 3rd week in June.
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. -I didn't hit this one, but I did lose 2.2 last month. Doesn't seem like much, but to me, it is success.
3. Track Everything. -Huge success. I have tracked 100% since June 4th!

I was by far more active this month than I have been in a long time. I found Zumba, and love it.  I feel so much better since I'm moving more!  I can tell a difference in how my clothes (some of them) are fitting. I saw a number on the scale this morning (an unofficial weigh in) and it made me super excited and motivated! 

I want to feel like this at the end of every.single.month. That is my goal. To start feeling good about myself!

I'll be back later today, hopefully, with some goals for July!