Accountability

I've been doing some really hard thinking today (scary, I know).  I need new accountability.  I'm attempting this weight loss thing on my own at the moment.  On Mondays, I'm going to start posting my weights, not just loses, but my actual weight.  I'm actually going to start now by posting Mondays WI...

256.6

The highest I've been on a WI day was last weeks 258.2. I don't want to see 260. Hell, I don't want to see anything above were I'm at this week, ever again.  I need to get a handle on this. I have my gyn appt in early Feb, and I really don't want him saying anything about my weight this year, like he did last year (I was 248 at that appointment last year). I'd like to be back down to at least that when I go, so he doesn't see that I gained over the last year.

I'm unhappy with where I've been in the journey the last few months.  I must start working out again. I need to start planning activity and at least breakfast/lunches on the weekends for the following week.  Planning helps me (especially when it comes to lunches).  I'm still not rejoining WW yet, maybe in a few months if I feel like I need it. But after being on WW for a year, I know what I need to do. I still don't want to have to count points and all that.  I just want to be able to put forth the effort that I need to, to get it done.

Earlier this week, I caught myself thinking "New Years is in a few weeks, I'll just start over then."  Luckily I caught myself. Because if I kept going, I would have been 260-something by then, and that would have been worse.  Yes it's only a few lbs, but it's all about perception...260 is a decade more than 250.

I will have a loss this week, and the weeks after.  I will NOT gain through Christmas. I will enjoy the time with my family and friends, but I will stay active and be mindful. By New Years (I'll WI on Jan 2nd) I will be at 250, or damn close to it.  I WILL. 

I'm going to quite letting stress get the best of me, and I will start paying attention to real hunger signals. I will stop binging. I will (and am as I type this) throw out the candy in my desk drawer, and it won't be replaced.

I'm sick of making excuses for myself. They are just holding me back. And it really has taken awhile to come to this point.

I will tackle this, and I will start today.