I'm doing a thermal tote giveaway on the new blog with a thirty-one representative!
Go to the new blog for details!
Add it to your readers or whatever tool you use to keep up with your blogs.
I'll keep this one up for a couple of weeks with occasional reminders to switch to the new address before I delete it.
Thanks for hanging with me and following the blog!
Hopefully this doesn't take too long. I'll keep up this blogspot address (heathersjourneythroughlife.blogspot.com) going until I can get it going again.
Tonight is my rest night, so I'm going to use that time to start reading and really look into the assignments for week one. The faster I can get started, the better.
Go like it! Right now it is just my sisters, mom and one friend (hi Jordan!).
My older sister didn't know about the blog. My younger sister is a committed reader-usually she has read a post before I tell her there is a new one and my mom has read it occasionally.
The support I've gotten just from my oldest sister today has been overwhelming. Maybe I just need more real life support? My mom sent me a text after liking the page and it said "You can do this, Heather". I have ton's of support from the WW boards, but maybe I need the people around me routinely to know that I'm on this journey? I can't decide if I want to share it on my personal facebook or not. I would say 75% of me does, but the other 25% is having self-esteem issues. I don't like failing and I don't like people seeing me fail. I think that is what is stopping me. But what if the support from "real life" people is what I need? I can't decide. I think I'm going to give it a few days to brew.
But for real, go like the page!
I'm ok with it. I indulged a lot over the holiday weekend, but I am back on track now. I got in a solid workout last night and I am planning another for tonight. I'm not going to let it get me down. I refuse to wait to get back on track in January when the rest of the world does. I am doing this now! I am not going to maintain or gain my way through the holidays. I'm going to make the next month really count and begin 2013 lower than I was at the beginning of 2012 (around 260). I'm going to start being more honest and accountable with myself every.single.day!
I thoroughly enjoyed my long weekend. It was nice having nothing to worry about. I was lazy and gladly admit to it. I enjoyed spending time with family. It was very low key. Friday, my parents went out for the day (literally). They were gone from about 10 am until about 7 pm. I enjoyed my quiet time! I may have taken two naps on Friday while they were gone. And they were glorious! Saturday my sister and I went out for a mexican lunch and to see Breaking Dawn Part 2. Yes I am still very much a teenage girl when it comes to both the books and movies. I just love them! I have to say, I really liked this movie. I won't give away spoilers in case there are readers that haven't seen it yet (and are planning on it), but Oh.Em.Gee at the ending.
And on Saturday I switched cell providers (read: I joined my mom's family plan) and got an iPhone 5 (what apps do I need)? It will save me about $60 per month (I'll be paying her for my added line). I love that they can keep your original number when you switch now! And yesterday was spent playing catch up on laundry and doing homework for this week.
This is the last week of my current class. my next class is Marketing and it starts next Monday.
And now I need to get back OP. I don't have a relationship with water anymore so I'm reforming that today. Same goes for fruits and veggies. I did step on the scale (I totally failed at that not weighing until December 1st thing, but came close) and it was only up 0.4 on Friday, but my eating wasn't great over the weekend, so we will see what the scale says tomorrow..
Speaking of weigh in's, I did take about 4 weeks off from the scale and it definitely helped. When I stepped on the first time, I was exactly the same as I was in October when I took the break. So I'm ok with that. I didn't gain! I will go back to normal scale tales posts tomorrow with a fresh mind and WI tracker.
How was everyone else's Thanksgiving? Are you struggling as bad as I am at being motivated today?
I'm thankful for exercise. <--Who is this person? In all seriousness, I have been so much less stressed since working out semi regularly. I'm working on making it more regular. I just feel so much better lately!
And I just read that Color Me Rad is coming back to Blacksburg next fall. I'm super excited, and will be doing it again!
I've never tracked my food and activity by hand. I have always done it on the WW online tracker. My WW subscription is due to expire the beginning of December, and I haven't decided if I will renew it right away. I think I'm going to see how I do actually writing things down the next few weeks while tracking pp's with WW before I decide on my WW subscription.
First page (starting tomorrow). It tracks calories, fat, carbs, fiber and protein, and has a couple spots if you want to track something else.
I was thinking last night about my WLJ and how it is going nowhere fast. I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds since July/August. I've been lazy. I've been complacent. I've not been giving it any effort basically at all. I haven't tried like I should. And I haven't wanted it like I wish.
I'm starting over from scratch. I'm going to pretend this is my first time back at WW. I'm going to track and measure everything. I'm going to make sure I get in the good health guidelines (fruits, veggies, water, healthy oils and dairy). I reset my tracker to start from scratch. I know I can do this. I know how much I really want to succeed. I know that I'm going to have to work my ass off (literally). I'm prepared to give it my all. This will be my last time starting over.
To begin with I'm going to take it one meal at a time. If I keep doing that then I will basically be stringing good, OP days together, which will lead to weeks and months. I will be successful this time. I'm going to focus on why I really want to succeed and remind myself of it everyday.
I have unfriended many people on Facebook because of their comments in the past 24 hours. I have seen more racism and hate in the last day than I have in my lifetime. This is not what 2012 should look like.
I honestly don't care who voted for who. I really don't. Just respect the opinion of the other side.
One of my bosses today called the President a negro (but the other word that I refuse to use). I work for racists. Even more reason to up the job hunt.
My other boss made comments about how half of the country relies on welfare and expects to be taken care of. Some of my best friends are single moms. They work their asses off everyday providing shelter and warmth and food for their children. But some of them do need the additional help of food stamps. Believe me when I say that they would rather not have to do that, but they are being good parents and providing for their children.
I am very happy with the results. I am very excited for Maine and Maryland that voted for marriage equality! I am very glad that the extremists on women rights, for the most part, lost their House and Senate races!
Here is to four more years. Four years in which I hope that Congress can learn to work together.
I was in line for almost 2 hours. It was 35 degrees outside. The line was much longer than it was in 2008. That gives me hope that the enthusiasm is still up. One can only hope!
I hope everyone votes tomorrow. I don't care who you are voting for, just exercise your right. It isn't always a right that we have always had, unless you are a white male. This is a critical election on many levels. One of those being equal rights and defending rights that some of us have the potential of losing. I'm voting for my rights as a woman and the ability to make my own decisions. I'm voting for the ability of everyone to have health insurance, regardless if they were unfortunate enough to have a preexisting condition. I'm voting for the rights of those people who want to marry, but can't. I'm voting for my rights as well as the rights of my fellow citizens.
This country was founded on the basis of equality. It is now 2012 and we are far from being equal. I'm voting for equal.
And while dinner was cooking, I was busy making my lunch for tomorrow: Salad with lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers and red wine vinegrette dressing. And I'll probably put some leftover chicken on top. This will be a good week!
The official start is Monday with an intro class. Very similar to the intro class I took during my short time in the bachelors program, but since this MBA program is strictly online, the intro class is different in both textbooks and assignments. I won't get a grade, since I already received one, but I figured since it does cover different things, I should take it again. And it is half the tuition, so that helps.
I'm excited, and a little nervous. The core classes will start the first week in December with Marketing Strategies. That class I'm excited about.
If you've been a reader for any length of time, you know that I strongly dislike my job, and I don't want to stay in the industry I am currently in (financial services), and marketing is something that I want to explore further. I honestly don't know where I want my career to go at this point, hence going back for my MBA. Hopefully having such a variety of courses will help me figure it out!
I'm thankful for Spin's breeder, who graciously contributed a few hundred dollars to help me pay his vet bill of a few thousand dollars from his emergency surgeries a couple weeks ago. She definitely didn't have to do that, as he is my responsibility, but it was much appreciated.
I gained yet again. I've gained for like a month straight. I'm so mad at myself. I need to refocus. I'm going to put the scale away for a while--probably for a month or so. I'm going to go back to the basics--tracking, measuring EVERYTHING, etc. I know I've made some good changes, but it deflates me when the scale doesn't agree. I mean, I have clothes that are definitely a little looser. So eff you, scale. You're going to the very back of the closet. You won't see me again until December 1st.
I know it will take a little bit of self control, especially the first week or two, but I need to stop letting the scale dictate my life.
Also, I did buy the Beck Diet Solution book. I started reading it over the weekend, and there have been many "that is exactly what I do/how I feel" moments while reading. I'm starting the actual exercises today.
I ended up being awake about 22 hours yesterday. Sadly I ended up at the emergency vet about 10pm with Spin. I went to let him outside around 9 for the last time and he couldn't pee. He was hunching his back and definitely wasn't himself. Having had Dalmatians for about 12 years, I knew he was blocked. Mom agreed with me so off to the emergency clinic we went.
A little backstory. Dals are the only breed to have an automatic high uric acid concentration, which can lead to urate stones. Not all will form stones or block, but blocking has a higher occurrence in males because of the narrow urethra.
Until last night, we had never had a dog block. Spin ended up having emergency surgery around 2 am. One incision at the penis to get the blocked stone out and then another at his bladder to clean it out, as he had a ton more stones.
He was in obvious pain and discomfort last night and I hated seeing him like that. He will now be on a special diet and medicine.
I'll just be glad when he gets to come home in a few days! I miss his antics and talkative ways (he loves to carry on conversations with his people)!
Why does my mom have to decide to cook so many yummy things on the same day.
I'm going to let this digest some, then go workout. I got in a short one earlier, but I feel like I need to sweat some more. It will make me feel better.
Feeling pretty blah.
But so far this week has started out so much better. My mom ended up in the hospital on Tuesday. She was having some signs of a heart attack, and it scared me. Luckily, her heart is fine and she has no blockages, but it was a serious wake up call. Heart disease runs in her family. I know that I need to really make steps towards being healthier. The entire family has decided to really make changes to what we are eating. That will help us all. And the parents are going to stop smoking. Thank goodness! Now to get my sister to quit--sorry Courtney, but I had to call you out :)
I need to start doing what I say instead of being all talk. I will do this. It will be easier with the help of the whole family!
Today I am starting week 2 of my new workouts. Again I have them on my google calendar. Putting them on my calendar has definitely helped me seem to stick with it. It's like a true appointment that I must keep. This week's workouts are basically same as the first weeks, but with a slightly higher intensity.
Yesterday should have been my wedding day. I honestly wasn't sure how I would be feeling emotionally. It was a much easier day than I expected, proving to me how strong I really am. I have definitely had my ups and downs the last few months, but I think I have come out on top. I feel stronger and more confident.
I know a lot of people would have done things differently than I did, but I can, with 120% confidence, say that it was absolutely the right thing to do. Not many people would have been able to make the choice I did to end my relationship and call off my wedding 3 months before the big day. I was told by multiple people that they didn't know if they could have done that. One person in particular told me that what I did took balls. I giggled a little when she told me that.
I am truly much happier now. I'm not worried about doing something to make someone mad all of a sudden. I'm not worried about missing an impromptu family function because I already had plans and making people mad. And I'm not worried about seeing text messages or wondering what someone is doing when hanging out with a certain best girlfriend.
I'm definitely concentrating on me. I start my MBA program in one week. I've started a nice workout regime. And I'm taking time for myself, whether it is window shopping, a nice workout, or dinner with friends, I'm doing things for me. And being able to spend my money on myself is nice again, too!
It feels good to feel in control of myself, both physically and emotionally again.
Here's the thing with abortion. 1. Politicians shouldn't be able to tell me what I do with my body. 2. I'm not catholic (or religious for that matter), and don't believe that life begins at conception. It's called separation between church and state. You can't make policies based on your religious faith, because not everyone believes the same things 3. I wouldn't use abortion as a means for birth control, but if a woman chooses to, it isn't mine or anyone else's place to judge that person. It is her decision. I don't feel like this should be a political platform in 2012. I just don't understand why politicians, mainly republican men, feel like this is ok. Why they feel like women aren't smart enough to make their own decisions baffles me every day. I will always be vocal on this issue, because it is personal. It is personal to every woman in America. I could possibly be about 3 months away from losing the right to make the decisions about my own body, and that is just not ok.
I'm not sure what I want out of this post, but a lot of people around me are struggling lately. I see it daily on the boards and hear it from some friends in real life. I guess I just wanted to make sure they know they aren't alone. While everyones weight loss journey is different, they are partially the same. And at any given moment there is probably someone that can relate (not identically) to what you're going through.
Some boardies have talked about, and I've read great reviews about the Beck Diet Solution. I think I'm going to head to Barnes and Noble this weekend (or try to) and get it..or just order it on amazon. It is supposed to really work with your cognitive behaviors to aid in weight loss. If I get it, I'll be sure to give it a review on the blog.
A few people have asked how the new workouts are going. And they are going great. So far I'm staying motivated. On the calendar for tonight is a full body stability workout. I like them because they are between 20 and 30 minutes long, easy to do at home, and she plans your workouts to use the equipment that you have. I don't have much in the way of gym equipment at home. I have a stability ball, set of dumbells and a resistance band. That's it. But Courtney created a complete workout for me using those things and body weight exercises. I totally love them!
I'm looking forward to seeing my progress at the end of the 4 weeks. I took my measurements, which I need to post, but that paper is at home, and will use Monday's WI as my start weight (since I started on Monday and all). I'll try to remember to post those measurements tonight or tomorrow.
Again my weekend snacking got a little obsurd. I didn't go into the red, but my weeklies were spent on tortilla chips, a poptart and other snacky goodness.
It's now 7:30 am and I've already gotten my sweat on. I have 4 more workouts planned for this week. I will see a loss this week. I will.
1. 15 Workouts. Fail-I hit 13. But on a positive note, I had 13 workouts last week.
2. Track everything. Success! Everything was tracked. The good, the bad and the ugly
3. Lose 5 lbs. Fail. I'm up 0.6 for the month.
I won't lie. Last month was hard. I had a few rough patches, mainly stemming back to emotional eating and binging. But I want to stay accountable. If I knew I had no one to be accountable to (which I can chose not to) the number for this month would have been worse. My guess is that I'll always struggle with my relationship with food. I almost guarantee that to myself. But I'm slowly learning how to deal with it, and I know I have made great strides. Even when I binge, I force myself to track it. That way I can't just "forget about it". I really want to continue making progress with controling the emotional eating in the next few months before I start the MBA program. I know I'll be even more stressed then, so if I can get a handle on it now before I'm even more stressed, then I know that it will be easier to continue on my journey to a healthier me.
I had it in my head that I was going to have like a 5 lb gain. Seriously. This weekend was fabulous. I stayed home, had no plans other than to get the oil changed in my car. I made a few recipes and have lunches set for this week! My actual meals this weekend were great. I planned and stuck to my meals. But then I decided that I needed chips and salsa and ice cream....
So, while I wish I would have been stronger, but a .8 gain isn't all that terrible to what I was expecting.
Back on track today. I have lunches planned for the week, breakfasts won't be bad. I have some waffles (Pumpkin Spice!!!) in the freezer (very yummy) for something quick.
1. I'm about 2 weeks away from what would have been my wedding day. No I don't regret calling it off. I know the right decision was made, but it is still a little sad.
2. A co-worker informed me that she chose her wedding venue...the fucking same place I was going to be using. It probably shouldn't, but it upset me a little, especially this close to the would be wedding day.
I want to calm my emotions with chocolate and wine. But I'm not going to let myself. I know that it won't help anything in the long run, because then I'll get angry and sad when I gain on Monday. It's hard to not break into the candy dish full of hershey kisses, but I'm avoiding the lobby like crazy. I will get through this slump without having a gain to go along with it. I will. I promise.
I'm glad I saw a decent loss. I needed it. My guess is that I've gained it back in the form of chocolate that I've eaten this week. I'm so self-destructive, but that story is for another day. I hate that I let my emotions get the best of me some days.
Tonight is my last night of class until I start working towards my MBA in January. I'm going to use the next three months to concentrate on me. I'm going to go to more dog shows. I'm going to start working out again (I have been a total failure the last couple weeks). I think i'm going to give journaling a try, to get my emotions out of my head.
I pretty much expected a gain. Last week wasn't good eating wise, and since Friday, all but two meals were eaten out. And it is TOM. So pretty much expected.
I did get in some activity this weekend. Nice having a best friend who is active! Saturday we went window shopping, which included walking around the perimeter of their mall. Then we went to the zoo, which wasn't huge, but ended up walking it twice. Her son slept through our first walk through, and he woke up when we were getting ready to leave. Then we went on another walk-about 1.5 miles or so that evening. It was very nice, and the weather was perfect for being outdoors.
I am going to work on a plan to really get back on track today. Next week, there will be a loss!
Not too surprised.
Weekend full of being busy=a few meals out. Today started a new week, so I'm moving on. Friday I drove 6 hours round trip to pick up my sister. Saturday we had a friends wedding-thankfully the rain held off during the ceremony! After the wedding I drove 3 hours to take my sister back to school, stayed with her Saturday night. Sunday started early with leaving Farmville at 8am, meeting my study group, then finally getting back home around 2pm. To say it was a whirlwind is an understatement!
The wedding was wonderful, held at the bride's (Sarah) house (on a farm). They exchanged vows on her front porch, which was very mch farmhouse like. Her favors were brown paper bags full of old type candy, held closed with clothespins. She had gorgeous wild flower bouquets. They are now off to the Bahama's (and I'm totally jealous). Congrats to the newlyweds!
They sell the donated dresses they receive at very discounted prices for cancer survivors/current cancer patients. I knew that would be the perfect cause to help. So I sent them an email asking if they could use the silk flowers (bridal bouquet, toss-away, 3 bridesmaids bouquets, grooms bout, 4 groomsmen bouts, and 4 coursages). And they can! They said that anything wedding related they can sell at their events.
So I am going to donate both my dress and flowers. I feel so great about the decision. Breast cancer is something that is close to my heart. Almost all of the women on my mom's side, including my 21 year on sister have had cancer or pre-cancerous tumors removed from their breasts. I remember the fear we all had when my sisters was removed (which came back pre-cancerous). I can't think of a better way to give other brides something they can truly be able to enjoy. If anything like me, I know the lucky woman that chooses the dress and/or flowers will love them!
1. 15 Workouts. I'm at 2 after my dog show over the weekend.
2. Track everything. I took the last two weeks of August off from tracking. Mentally, I just needed the break. But I'm going to start tracking again.
3. Lose 5 lbs. I'm at -1.4 after today (starting with my WI from August 27th). I want to get out of the 250's this month, once and for all.
I'll check in with my goals weekly with my WI post on Mondays!
I was so excited! Usually I gain after a dog show weekend, but I didn't this time. I had a good week eating wise and got in some activity. I was mindful of portions. We went out for breakfast yesterday and I chose a veggie omlet, side of fruit and wheat bread, while the two people I was with got pancakes, sausage and eggs. I was proud of myself, because who doesn't love waffles or pancakes!
I'm ready to get this week and month started!
I'll be back later with a couple of September goals.
I wasn't too surprised. I had 4 meals out over the weekend combined with almost no activity. I'm not going to stress over it. I have a plan for food and activity this week, so I'll do my best to get the number back down.
I was completely surprised this morning. I didn't have a great week last week, but did get in some activity. I had my binge on Monday, ate out a few times, and it is the dreaded time of the month (and I retain water like crazy). I wasn't expecting a loss at all, so I'm very pleased.
This week shouldn't be too bad. I'm going out of town for work Wednesday night/Thursday, but I'm packing a DVD to take with me to do at the hotel that night. Not sure what the food Thursday will be, but I'll make the best choices I can. That should be my only hurdle this week.
Now to just keep doing what I've been doing!
I had been doing fairly well on the eating front, until Monday.
Binge eating is an eating disorder, just like bulemia and anorexia. I've spent a lot of time over the last year or so trying to really pay attention to my body. I don't need a doctor to tell me that I'm a binger (yes, I do self-diagnose all of the time). But it's true, and I've been trying to work on it. I had been doing well.
What I did Monday was a binge.
I was just kind of out of it Monday. One of those things where you can't pinpoint what is wrong. Just a blah feeling. I had my normal breakfast and lunch. A little candy at work. When I left work I was on like auto-pilot, almost numb feeling. I stopped at Wendy's and got a 10 pc chicken nugget meal. Ate it on my way home and found a trash can to throw the bag and drink cup into. I had to stop at the store to get a pound of hamburger and garlic bread for our dinner at home. No problem, until I bough a large, filled cupcake. Ate that on the way home, throwing away the evidence before anyone could see it.
I then ate dinner with my family like normal. Spaghetti and garlic bread. All of this was eaten between the hours of 5 and 6:30. I ate 40 points at dinnertime. Total I had 62 on Monday. I get 39 per day.
It's extremely hard to explain how I feel when binges like this happen. It's almost numbing. It's like I don't really realize what is happening. No real emotion. I'm just in auto.
My binges are always when I'm alone. No one ever sees the evidence. Monday was the perfect example. I enhaled it while driving, then threw away the trash so no one would see it.
I'm not sure why it happened on Monday. Usually I can look back and pretty much identify a trigger, but nothing pops out about Monday. I feel ashamed when I binge. I want to have more self control. Maybe I'm too critical of myself sometimes? Who knows.
Hopefully it was an isolated incidence. Actually, I'm going to do my best to make sure it was isolated. I hate the way I feel afterwards, so I don't want to keep doing it.
Not suprising since I ate out all weekend. But it was completely worth having 24 hours with my friends. Hopefully a chunk of it is water weight. I'll work hard this week to get it back off, and hopefully plus some more this week!
I am, however, way too old to stay up until 2 am. :)
Now, I need to crack into this school work. 4 chapters plus individual and group assignments due on the first night of class in a couple weeks. Now to crack down.
I have decided to quit meetings. I wasn't usually staying for them, and that is one expensive scale! I've learned I'm either motivated or I'm not. A meeting isn't going to change that. So I'm back to WW Online. I used my Monday morning weight for this week, so that is why it is so large. But it will even out come Monday!
Tomorrow I'm having a girls night (aka anti-bachelorette party, as my sister named it) with my sister, best friend and her sister. I'm.so.freaking.excited. I really need a night out with my best friends. WI may not be great on Monday, but I already know that it will be completely worth it!
Not much happening this week. It's been fairly quiet. Now, I'm just ready for the weekend!
Firstly, I deleted the ex fiance from my phone and facebook (as well as those I was friends with through him-none of which were ever people I'd be friends with otherwise). It may sound small, but for me it was huge. If your number isn't in my phone, I don't know it. I had been battling, and failing a lot, the urge to send him texts. Even though I texted him some (during the first couple weeks post break-up) I'm glad I did. My texts always went unanswered (well until I called him a coward because I truly feel that he wanted the breakup, so was picking fights so I would do it, and he wouldn't have to...very mature, I know), which I think I needed. I had battled with myself so long that I had made a horrible decision. But thanks to his lack of care (which I should have picked up on by his lack of emotion during our last conversation) I'm ready to move on. I know it was the right decision. I'm going to stop blaming myself and thinking about the "what if's". It ended knowing that I really tried to fight for our relationship but he "wanted to be alone for a while" <--his words, not mine. And I'm ok with that now. I deserve someone who wants to fight for me.
I've been doing well with getting in activity (thanks to Zumba!) and eating well. Yesterday I made a batch of Emily Bites Banana Chocolate Chip Baked Oatmeal Singles to have for breakfast this week. Very yummy! Two of them kept me full until right at noon today (they were eaten about 8 this morning).
This weekend is my anti-bachelorette party (named by my sister). Basically will be like a bachelorette party with good laughs, great friends and drinks, but it'll be ok if I hit on guys :) In all seriousness, I'm really excited for a night out with my best friends. It is much needed.
WI is tonight. I skipped last week, because my home scale had me up about 6 lbs....This morning my scale was much nicer, so hopefully their scale is too!
I have a list of reasons. Some are vain, most aren't. Vain for me is how I look. Non-vain for me comes from inward-how I feel. So I'm going to share my list with you.
- To walk into any store and know I can fit into their clothes.
- To look good naked.
- To be able to wear a bikini.
- To feel good about myself.
- To be confident in new and exciting situations.
- To not be afraid to try new activities.
- To be healthy. Diabetes and heart problems are prevelant in my family.
- To be comfortable in my own skin.
- To be more energetic
- To be happier and less stressed.
- To be healthy for a future family I may have.
So, what's holding me back? Honestly, myself. The lowest weight I remember being was around 175, and that was 8th or 9th grade. The lowest I've been in my adult life is around 225. I have no idea what I'll look like at a healthy weight. No idea. I've never been there. I'm pretty sure I bypassed my healthy weight range in elementary school. I'm scared of the unknown. But I'm tired of letting my fear guide me through life. I want to be a success story, with a side-by-side comparison picture floating around pinterest (yes, I admitted that). I want to be a WW success story. I want to get to my goal weight and maintain it. Believe me, I know it's a long journey and full of ups and downs, but I know how much I want this now.
I'm slowly finding myself again. I'm 120% dedicated to doing this for me. I'm not doing this for a wedding, for a guy, for anyone else. I'm doing this for me. I'm tired of letting fear guide the way I live my life.
From this moment on, I'm putting everything I have into this journey.
What is your motivation? What, if anything, is holding you back from achieving goals?
It was totally expected. The stress from the last couple of weeks got to me. I haven't worked out basically at all. This will be a good week. I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm recommitting starting right this minute. I got my WW leader to fill out the weight verification page for me for the healthy wage challenge. I'll have approximately 25.7 lbs to lose in 6 months to hit the 10% goal.
I got my Zumba Exhilarate DVD set today. I'm so exciting to jump into the program!
I truly haven't felt this excited about a fresh start in a very long time.
This week, I decided that I'm damn tired of putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Thanks to a WW boardie friend, I was introduced to heathlywage. I joined the 10% challenge. The rules state that I pay $100. If I lose 10% of my body weight, approximately 25 lbs, in 6 months, they pay me $200! I'm fairly cheap, so I don't want to lose my $100. I want it, plus some back! I just have to have my WW leader fax in a weight verification form to get my true starting weight.
My Zumba DVDs are supposed to be delivered Tuesday. I can't wait to get them! I will lose the 10%. I will.
I'm excited to really start focusing on me. I can honestly say that I've never done that. I am working on a plan for basically every aspect of my life. I'm going to really amp up the job search, I'm hoping in the Roanoke area, since it is near school, and it will have so many more opportunities. Depending on where I am next fall, I want to buy a house. That probably won't happen if I'm working in Roanoke, because that would include moving. But as long as I'm living at home, I'm keeping the house goal. And I will start making real progress towards getting to my goal weight. I've juggled the same five pounds for over a year, and I've reached my breaking point. I will do this.
I've always been notorious for holding in my feelings, usually bad/sad feelings. I'm trying not to do that this time. I know I need to get them out in order to fully heal. I know he'll always have a place in my heart and I will always care for and love him. But I will move on. I will find someone that has more of the same ambitions as I do. I will find someone that values their personal time as much as me. I will find that someone.
Earlier this week, I ran across a blog post that has really set with me. Brianna over at Shine or Set, wrote about trust and love/heartache and settling (three separate posts). All three have truly helped me the last couple days. I'll highlight some of them. But I so encourage you to read them. She's a smart lady!
Opportunities are placed in front of us when we are ready. Sometimes we wonder why relationships don't work out. We wonder if we are the right person. Follow your instincts in relationships, even if it says to let go. The right person will come into your life when you say goodbye to the past, stop forcing things, let go and let happen and trust.
All of the moments that tug on your heartstrings are the moments that are leading you to great love. To the one person who wants to creat new moments. Moments that outweighs all of the others. Moments that heal you. Moments that make you believe in good again.
We rush into things because we feel like we will miss out. Let go of the bad, and know the good will come in time. Don't settle for a job where you're under-appreciated, unfulfilled and not doing what you love. Don't settle for a relationship where you don't have butterflies, where your times are more unhappy than not.
It's been a week since my relationship ended. I've been so strong, mainly since Sunday. Now, I want to cry. Probably because he was going to be going to the dog show with me this weekend, and of course now, he's not. And today would have been three months to the wedding. I know we made the right decision, but it hurts still. Hopefully this weekend away will be beneficial to me.
I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry.
So much has happened in the last week, and I don't even know where to start. I guess the biggest thing is that I ended my relationship with Clayton. We had our differences. He wanted me around more than I was, and I like my alone time. I'm independent, and don't like feeling smothered (not that he really smothered me). The problems really started happening Memorial Day weekend, and we had made it through that hurdle. I tried to get him to work things out, he said he needed time/space, so I removed all of my things from his house. It was definitely a hard decision to make, and I really love him. But sometimes love isn't enough. We will both pick up and move on.
I'm going to move my job search to more populated areas and closer to school. I've set goals for myself. I want to concentrate on making me happy now. I've always put everyone else first, and at 24, I think it is time to put myself first. I have a wonderful support system and want to give my all to school and finding a better job. Depending on where I eventually land a job and if I have to move right away or not, my goal is to buy a house next fall. Once my student loans go into deferment again (hopefully next month since the new loans will be distributed), I'm going to start throwing money into savings. My goal (as long as I'm living at home) is to live off of one pay check, and save the other. Totally doable, I just have to stay focused and disciplined.
As much as it hurts right now, I know deep down it was for the best. We ultimately wanted different things. He was happy with a job, I want a career. He loves being around family and friends, and while I do as well, I also extremely value and need alone time. Nothing wrong with either of us, we just want different things in a relationship/marriage. It just wasn't meant to be.
1. WO 4-5 times a week. -I hit this one all but the 3rd week in June.
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. -I didn't hit this one, but I did lose 2.2 last month. Doesn't seem like much, but to me, it is success.
3. Track Everything. -Huge success. I have tracked 100% since June 4th!
I was by far more active this month than I have been in a long time. I found Zumba, and love it. I feel so much better since I'm moving more! I can tell a difference in how my clothes (some of them) are fitting. I saw a number on the scale this morning (an unofficial weigh in) and it made me super excited and motivated!
I want to feel like this at the end of every.single.month. That is my goal. To start feeling good about myself!
I'll be back later today, hopefully, with some goals for July!
Here's the weekly update to the June Goals.
1. WO 4-5 times a week. Not quite check. I got in 3
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. I don't see this one getting met this month. I'm at +0.6...
3. Track Everything. Check! This has been the biggest success of the month. I've tracked everything completely since June 4th.
I still remember being so excited when mom got home from picking her up from her breeder. Dad and I were peeking out of the living room window when she hopped out of the van. She was a wonderful girl, and gave us 11 amazing years being our pet. She was truly a gem, and made an incredible impact on the Dalmatian breed from the whelping box.
Until we meet again my sweet girl...
1.WO 4-5 times a week. No check, I got in 2/4
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. So far I'm down 1.6 for the month. If I stay on track, I can definitley hit at least 5 lbs for the month. 2 more weeks!
3. Track Everything. Double check! Tracking is definitely the reason I had a 2.6 lb loss last night!
1. WO 4-5 times a week. Check! I got in some early in the week, then got sick and took a break. Thankfully this past weekend was a dog show weekend, and that gets me moving!
2. Lose 5-10 lbs. I'll update this one after my meeting tonight. So far, I'm up 1.2 for the month.
3. Track Everything. Check! I tracked everything last week, and have through lunch pre-tracked for today.
I'm starting to get my mojo back. I had a couple of very lax weeks in May, but I feel motivated again!
And speaking of dog shows, my friend Jenny, who is a grandmom to the whippet puppies, won her first Best in Show yesterday! I'm so thrilled for her!
257, which is up 1.2. I realized this week that in just my little amount of time going to meetings how much they actually motivate me. I didn't have a meeting last Monday, and I could tell a difference in my behavior this past week. I ate out a bunch, so hopefully some of the gain is water. I need my meeting. Next week will be good.
I didn't really set any goals for May, just to stay mostly on plan and make some progress.
May Starting: 258.8
May Ending: 255.8
Difference: -3 lbs.
I'll take it. I had 2 weeks of maintaining in there, so I'm ok with that. I did count this week as a maintain, because I didn't have my meeting on Monday, due to the holiday.
I finally managed to take my measurements this morning. I took them when I recommitted on April 16th, so about 6 weeks had passed. I had a few pair of pants that seemed to be fitting slightly better in places, so I was curious where my measurements stood.
|Measurements on 4/16||Measurements on 6/1||Change|
|Arm: 17 inches||Arm: 16.25 inches||-0.25|
|Hips: 54 inches||Hips: 54 inches||0|
|Bust: 46 inches||Bust: 45 inches||-1|
|Waist: 39 inches||Waist: 38 inches||-1|
|Thigh: 33 inches||Thigh: 30.25 inches||-2.75|
Total inches lost: -5.5
I'm thrilled with that number, and it gives me the motivation to make June a great month. Speaking of June, lets get to some goals
1. Workout 4-5 times a week.
2. Lose 5-10 pounds
3. Track everyday
Anyone else have a good May? What are your goals for June?
My mom got a stationary bike on Sunday, so I'm going to start using it tonight. I won't have my meeting next week, due to the holiday, but week after next I will surpass 1 pound, and get my first 5 pound star! I will do this!
Me: The one that says IRA is qualified (said while trying not to laugh at her).
This is a woman that is licensed, which means she should know more than me about this crap. It is very sad to see the lack of common sense that surrounds this office.
Today at the dog show I got a big surprise. Back at the beginning of the year, one of my dear friends was having a litter of Dalmatian puppies and offered me a show puppy. I passed at the time because of the wedding and we just had our whippet litter.
Well she was at the show today and still had the puppy she was originally wanting me to get. I'm pretty sure it was fate. With Marin sick and probably not going to be around much longer, I'm sure it was meant to be that we would both be at the same show. Not that he would replace her, but Dals are my heart breed. So he is now mine. He is mellow and laid back and loves everyone.
If you've been a reader for any length of time, you know that I'm very unhappy with my current job. I've been applying everywhere and looking fairly actively, and have gotten no where. The idea to go back to school has been with me for a couple of months. My degree is very specialized, but I don't want to be a financial advisor, and that is basically the only career path I can take with opportunities for advancement. And I can't do this job forever. I want to feel competitive in the job market, and right now I don't.
I'll start orientation next month, then actual classes in August. I'm actually really excited about it. I honestly never saw me going back to school, but here I am. Another plus is that it is an accelerated program for working adults, so just one class at a time. No semesters. And I'll be finished in about a year and a half, again not shabby. I'll still continue my job search, but this will be on my resume, so I see it helping some.
Who knows, I may ever decide I want my MBA after this....
So today, I have healthy snacks, some fruits and veggies and a nice filling lunch with me. Today won't be like yesterday was! I'll turn this week around and end it on a good note!
A couple weeks ago my leader handed out some little slips of paper that said: "Remember, It's not how hard I fall....It's how high I bounce." I took a couple of them. I just remembered this morning they were in my purse. One is now taped to my work computer screen, and I'm going to put the other one either in my car or somewhere at home. This is a lifelong journey that I am tackling, not a month or even a year long one. I'll have my ups and downs, I just have to remember that the downs don't define me, the ups do!