I love

That today is my Friday.  I've been way too emotional this week.

Lack of a new job/stress + missing Clayton + TOM = emotional Heather.

But having a 3 day work week makes life some better, at least at the moment. 

What has been a huge victory for me this week? Tracking everything.  Even if I did have too much chocolate yesterday, I tracked it all.  That is huge for me. In the past if I didn't track it, it didn't exist.  But the last 2 weeks I've gained 5.6, and I was only about 3 pounds from my initial starting weight.  So this week I started over. I lost 2.2 of what I had gained.  I know that I MUST make it a priority or it isn't going to happen. 

About a month ago, right around my birthday, I broke down to Clayton and explained to him my weight issues and how it has been an issue since before I can really remember-I was always the overweight kid from
basically elementary school. And how it has affected me all these years.  I had never told anyone I've been in a relationship before all of this, not even way back when I was engaged.  He was very responsive and supportive, even through the "I love you how you are" and "you don't have to change anything for me".  Which I already knew, but I can now honestly say I'm doing this for ME.  And realizing that was huge.  I could never really say that before this point. 

Here is to a(nother) new beginning!  But I'm for real this time.  I can't explain it, but my mindset and emotion about it is completely different this time!


The Future

14 months ago, I graduated college.  Received my BS in the financial planning program at VT.  My plan was to find a job in a fee-only planning firm (because I don't want to sell stuff to make part of my paycheck). 

Fast forward to now. I'm working in a planning firm (have been for over two years now).  But I don't consider it planning at all. It is investment management.  My bosses sell stuff to make money.  And I hate it here.  I haven't been happy for over a year here, and it is progressively getting worse. 

The real problem:  I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  So it is making this job search thing hard.  It also doesn't help that there isn't anything around me hardly.  Sure I could look for something so I could relocate somewhere, but I can't for personal reasons.  Call me dumb, but that is how it is. 

If I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life, that paid well, then I'd be set.  Until I figure that out, I'm just applying for jobs and hoping that I'll like it if I get an opportunity. 

Why can't being a grown-up be easier so everything would just fall into place??


Well I wasn't expecting that...

After 3 interviews and over the course of almost 3 months, I didn't get the job.  Apparently that stupid unoffcial job offer was a load of crap.  I don't get it.  I was so upset earlier when I got the call.  I know there is a reason for it, but seriously, after actively looking and applying for over a year now, you'd think something would turn out good....


I have a confession....

I've been cheating WW like whoa.  I haven't tracked in like 4 weeks.  And it has definitely shown on the scale.  I never felt as sad as when I did this morning (when it has come to my WLJ) when I stepped on the scale.  Hopefully the scale having the incredibly large number means it is going to be a turning point.  One can hope.  But I have tracked everything that I put in my mouth today.  My goal is to do that daily for 7 days.  Hopefully going by days and not weeks will make me not get overwhelmed.

It is not helping that I miss the boyfriend.  It sucks big time not getting to see him during the week.  And on weekends it is getting harder and harder to go back home.

Ugh, it is just one of those weeks, and I'm not even PMSing....


This Heat...

Is so not my friend.  When I got to work at 8:30 this morning it was already over 80 degrees with 94% humidity (the humidity % has sense gone down a little).  I'm not a fan of summer for this reason.  I should get out of the shower and immediately feel like I need another one. 

But this weekend was so nice.  Clayton got me a dozen roses for no reason at all on Saturday :)  My dad made the comment that he didn't remember anyone ever getting me a dozen of anything, and I may have a keeper. 

One of me and my sisters friends got married Saturday and Clayton was nice enough to go with me.  We had a blast.  He ended up fighting my sisters boyfriend for the garter, and won.  And I have to say he look very nice all dressed up. 

Sunday, I met his dad, step-mom, grandfather (paternal) and an uncle and a couple of cousins.  It is always nice to put faces with names. 

This coming weekend, he is going to his first dog show with me.  Hopefully he won't hate it, but I'll totally understand if it isn't his cup of tea.  It isn't for many people, including my dad and sister.  But I'm glad he is at least trying it out.  And at least this way, he'll be able to understand more when I'm talking about them.  And he'll get to bond with Blake, which is important, because where I go, he goes.