Weekend Recap

I had a blast last night with my girls. Some shopping, nice dinner and ended the night with a couple fruity drinks. Nothing major, but it was a lot of fun and much needed.

I am, however, way too old to stay up until 2 am. :)

Now, I need to crack into this school work. 4 chapters plus individual and group assignments due on the first night of class in a couple weeks. Now to crack down.

Me and my sister last night

Girls Night!

First, let me back up to my WI this week. -3

I have decided to quit meetings. I wasn't usually staying for them, and that is one expensive scale! I've learned I'm either motivated or I'm not. A meeting isn't going to change that.  So I'm back to WW Online. I used my Monday morning weight for this week, so that is why it is so large. But it will even out come Monday!

Tomorrow I'm having a girls night (aka anti-bachelorette party, as my sister named it) with my sister, best friend and her sister. I'm.so.freaking.excited.  I really need a night out with my best friends. WI may not be great on Monday, but I already know that it will be completely worth it!

Not much happening this week. It's been fairly quiet. Now, I'm just ready for the weekend!

Finding Myself

In an effort to really focus on me and find out who the real me is, some changes were made over the weekend.

Firstly, I deleted the ex fiance from my phone and facebook (as well as those I was friends with through him-none of which were ever people I'd be friends with otherwise). It may sound small, but for me it was huge. If your number isn't in my phone, I don't know it. I had been battling, and failing a lot, the urge to send him texts. Even though I texted him some (during the first couple weeks post break-up) I'm glad I did. My texts always went unanswered (well until I called him a coward because I truly feel that he wanted the breakup, so was picking fights so I would do it, and he wouldn't have to...very mature, I know), which I think I needed. I had battled with myself so long that I had made a horrible decision. But thanks to his lack of care (which I should have picked up on by his lack of emotion during our last conversation) I'm ready to move on. I know it was the right decision. I'm going to stop blaming myself and thinking about the "what if's". It ended knowing that I really tried to fight for our relationship but he "wanted to be alone for a while" <--his words, not mine. And I'm ok with that now. I deserve someone who wants to fight for me.

I've been doing well with getting in activity (thanks to Zumba!) and eating well.  Yesterday I made a batch of Emily Bites Banana Chocolate Chip Baked Oatmeal Singles to have for breakfast this week.  Very yummy!  Two of them kept me full until right at noon today (they were eaten about 8 this morning).

This weekend is my anti-bachelorette party (named by my sister). Basically will be like a bachelorette party with good laughs, great friends and drinks, but it'll be ok if I hit on guys :)  In all seriousness, I'm really excited for a night out with my best friends. It is much needed.

WI is tonight. I skipped last week, because my home scale had me up about 6 lbs....This morning my scale was much nicer, so hopefully their scale is too!

What's Your Motivation?

I've been asked a few times what my motivation is for my weight loss journey.  It is a topic of discussion quite often on the WW boards.

I have a list of reasons. Some are vain, most aren't. Vain for me is how I look. Non-vain for me comes from inward-how I feel. So I'm going to share my list with you.

• To walk into any store and know I can fit into their clothes.
• To look good naked.
• To be able to wear a bikini.
• To feel good about myself.
• To be confident in new and exciting situations.
• To not be afraid to try new activities.
• To be healthy. Diabetes and heart problems are prevelant in my family.
• To be comfortable in my own skin.
• To be more energetic
• To be happier and less stressed. 
• To be healthy for a future family I may have.

The list could go on, but those are the ones that pop into my head immediately. The main ones being about my health. I want to be healthy. For myself and for whatever the future holds in store for me. I want to have more energy. I want to be fearless. Right now my lack of confidence stops me from doing many things.

So, what's holding me back? Honestly, myself. The lowest weight I remember being was around 175, and that was 8th or 9th grade. The lowest I've been in my adult life is around 225. I have no idea what I'll look like at a healthy weight. No idea. I've never been there. I'm pretty sure I bypassed my healthy weight range in elementary school. I'm scared of the unknown. But I'm tired of letting my fear guide me through life. I want to be a success story, with a side-by-side comparison picture floating around pinterest (yes, I admitted that). I want to be a WW success story. I want to get to my goal weight and maintain it. Believe me, I know it's a long journey and full of ups and downs, but I know how much I want this now.

I'm slowly finding myself again. I'm 120% dedicated to doing this for me. I'm not doing this for a wedding, for a guy, for anyone else. I'm doing this for me. I'm tired of letting fear guide the way I live my life.

From this moment on, I'm putting everything I have into this journey.


What is your motivation? What, if anything, is holding you back from achieving goals?

Scale Tales

256.8 (+3.6)

It was totally expected. The stress from the last couple of weeks got to me. I haven't worked out basically at all. This will be a good week. I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm recommitting starting right this minute. I got my WW leader to fill out the weight verification page for me for the healthy wage challenge. I'll have approximately 25.7 lbs to lose in 6 months to hit the 10% goal.

I got my Zumba Exhilarate DVD set today. I'm so exciting to jump into the program! 

I truly haven't felt this excited about a fresh start in a very long time. 

Focusing on Me

The last couple of weeks, I've not been the greatest at focusing on me. I've not been horrible, just sort of meh.

This week, I decided that I'm damn tired of putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Thanks to a WW boardie friend, I was introduced to heathlywage. I joined the 10% challenge. The rules state that I pay $100. If I lose 10% of my body weight, approximately 25 lbs, in 6 months, they pay me $200! I'm fairly cheap, so I don't want to lose my $100. I want it, plus some back! I just have to have my WW leader fax in a weight verification form to get my true starting weight.

My Zumba DVDs are supposed to be delivered Tuesday. I can't wait to get them! I will lose the 10%. I will.

I'm excited to really start focusing on me. I can honestly say that I've never done that. I am working on a plan for basically every aspect of my life. I'm going to really amp up the job search, I'm hoping in the Roanoke area, since it is near school, and it will have so many more opportunities. Depending on where I am next fall, I want to buy a house. That probably won't happen if I'm working in Roanoke, because that would include moving. But as long as I'm living at home, I'm keeping the house goal. And I will start making real progress towards getting to my goal weight. I've juggled the same five pounds for over a year, and I've reached my breaking point. I will do this.

Finding Myself

The last two weeks have been hard. Very hard. I lost the person I loved the most. Before, I was naive enough to think that as long as there was love, you'd be ok. Not the case. And deep down, I knew that. I'm not that naive...But it has been hard. I've had to stop myself from sending texts. I miss having someone to fall asleep with and wake up with. I miss having someone to hold me when I'm sad. I miss all of those things. And that is what will take the most time to heal.

I've always been notorious for holding in my feelings, usually bad/sad feelings. I'm trying not to do that this time. I know I need to get them out in order to fully heal. I know he'll always have a place in my heart and I will always care for and love him. But I will move on. I will find someone that has more of the same ambitions as I do. I will find someone that values their personal time as much as me. I will find that someone.

Earlier this week, I ran across a blog post that has really set with me. Brianna over at Shine or Set, wrote about trust and love/heartache and settling (three separate posts). All three have truly helped me the last couple days. I'll highlight some of them. But I so encourage you to read them. She's a smart lady!

Trust:
Opportunities are placed in front of us when we are ready. Sometimes we wonder why relationships don't work out. We wonder if we are the right person. Follow your instincts in relationships, even if it says to let go. The right person will come into your life when you say goodbye to the past, stop forcing things, let go and let happen and trust.

Bravest Love:
All of the moments that tug on your heartstrings are the moments that are leading you to great love. To the one person who wants to creat new moments. Moments that outweighs all of the others. Moments that heal you. Moments that make you believe in good again.

Never Settle:
We rush into things because we feel like we will miss out. Let go of the bad, and know the good will come in time. Don't settle for a job where you're under-appreciated, unfulfilled and not doing what you love. Don't settle for a relationship where you don't have butterflies, where your times are more unhappy than not.